


Homeward Bound

by MashiarasDream



Series: Yours!verse [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alpha!Jess, Alpha!Sam, Also fluff, Angst and Drama, Baby Mary, Discussions of mpreg, Fucked up society, John Winchester Dies, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Minor Character Death, Omega!Gabriel, a sprinkle of smut, a/b/o dynamics, alpha!cas, established relationships - Freeform, omega!dean, time stamp 7 for Yours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 23:16:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5024431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MashiarasDream/pseuds/MashiarasDream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Circumstances lead Cas and Dean to take a road trip that challenges them not only with the distance to their pack territory – both physical and societal – but also with the sudden vicinity to the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Homeward Bound

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to ViviTargaryen for quick betaing!  
>   
> My apologies to Kansas and Missouri for portraying them pretty bleakly.  
> The version of Christianity present in the Bible Belt of the Yours!verse is not nice. If this will likely upset you, you better skip John’s funeral.  
>   
> A heartfelt thank you for all those wonderful comments! I love you all! And y’all have such great suggestions and ideas! I enjoy reading them very much.  
> I’ll still have to disappoint a few of you, mainly everyone who wanted John to be more dangerous. There will be no kidnapping of pups in this verse. Cause (mostly) happy A/B/O! I mean, it’s still Dean and Cas, so of course there’s going to be some angsting, but no “canon typical violence”. (Also definitely no Alistair, shudder.)  
> On the other end of the spectrum, I have gotten several requests to give Cas and Dean a break, and here, I’m more inclined to listen (I hope the characters are, too). I vaguely see some Christmas fluff on the horizon and hope that will solidify.  
>   
> PS: I’m trying my best to research medical stuff and keep my continuity straight, but if you find something that needs fixing write it in the comments or drop me a line on [tumblr](http://mashiarasdream.tumblr.com). :)  
> PPS: I'm amending this comment to but please also assume a degree of suspension of disbelief with the details of ABO genetics.

“Frankly, Dean, I don’t approve.” Pamela wears a frown that is rivalling Sam’s bitch-face.

“Yeah, you’ve made that clear already. What I was asking was: Am I eligible as a donor?”

She sighs. “Yes, in theory you are. There’s a whole stack of reasons why it’s not a good idea, though. And don’t even try to shut me up, I’m not letting you go home before you’ve heard them all.”

It’s Dean’s turn to sigh but he settles back into the chair in Pamela’s office. For the fact, that she’s a Beta she can be scary when she feels her patients aren’t listening the way they should. “Go ahead.”

“Being blood type O, you’re a universal donor, as you’re well aware. Your liver function is good, you’re in overall good health considering the circumstances. Which makes you not _unsuitable_ as a donor.”

“But?” Dean prompts.

“But liver donation is a major abdominal surgery. Even in perfect health, it is not risk-free. And you, Mr. New Daddy, are not in perfect health. You also have a baby daughter who isn’t even weened yet.”

Dean doesn’t rise to the bait and just asks, “What does ‘not risk-free’ mean?”

“It means that on average 1 in 300 donors dies,” Pam says bluntly, “and about 30% experience complications.”

Dean can’t help but cringe at the word ‘complications’. That’s what they used to describe what happened at Mary’s birth. It was scarier than the clinical word suggests.

“Dean, I’ll be straight with you. I won’t recommend you as a donor. I’m guessing you can find a doctor in a city hospital who doesn’t care, but I do. I care about you. And this is bullshit.”

“My Dad dying is bullshit?” Dean asks, well aware that he’s intentionally provoking. It’s easier than trying to figure out his actual feelings on the topic.

“Dean, let me be brutally honest with you. You trying to save him is bullshit. I’ve looked at his files. His MELD scores are too high to get anywhere on the transplant list. That means his doctors are expecting him to die with or without the transplant.”

“But his chances would be higher?” Dean asks.

“Not if he’s still drinking.”

She says ‘if’ but it doesn’t sound like a question. And yeah, there’s probably no question that his father is still drinking. “Sam’s been trying to come up with a plan for that.”

“And what’s your father said to that?”

“Umm,” Dean fidgets, “don’t think he’s told him yet. Didn’t seem to make much sense, what with Sammy not being good as a donor and all.”

Also, it had taken exactly two phone calls before Sam and his Dad had gotten into a fight. A shouting match, actually, if Sam’s exasperated retelling is anything to go by.

“Dean,” Pam says gently, “you’re a good person and everyone appreciates it. But I urge you to rethink this. To prioritize. You have a mate and a daughter who need you. A brother who’s only real family you are. Prioritize them.”

“And let my father die?”

“ _You_ are my patient, Dean. My priority is your health. Which is exactly what I’m going to tell Cas, by the way.”

Dean huffs. “You’re going from ‘you are your own person, rethink this’ to threating me with my mate real fast.”

“The fact that you see my comment as a threat tells me you’re clear about how he’s going to react when you tell him that this wasn’t a normal check-up.”

“How do you know I’ve not already told him?”

Pamela has the gall to laugh. “Come on, Dean, give me some credit.”

“Hrmpf.” He doesn’t really have much else, it’s not like he can refute her claim.

“Dean,” Pamela gets up and comes around to his side of the desk to lean against it. “Be honest with the both of us. What do you think Cas is going to say to this?”

Dean kind of hates her for bringing it up, but it’s the logical way of thinking so he can’t fault her for it. He locks his jaw. “Depends on what arguments I bring home.”

She levels him with a stare that makes him shrink back in his seat.

“Fine,” he spits. “He’s going to say no.”

Pamela nods. “And he’s right to do so.”

Dean growls at that.

“He’s right to do so because it’s the right thing _not_ to do it.”

“It’s still not his decision,” Dean snaps.

The heat creeps up his neck before the words are even completely out of his mouth. Bad enough that Pamela caught him sneaking the exam, he doesn’t need to make it worse by outright contesting their pack-Alpha’s authority.

“Sorry, didn’t mean it that way,” he grinds out. He doesn’t think it sounds too convincing but it’s the best he can do.

Pamela laughs. “Yeah, Dean, you meant it. And it’s alright. Getting the two of you through a pregnancy and a complicated childbirth has given me a pretty good idea of your dynamics. It doesn’t change the facts, though. Everything I know about Cas tells me that he’s not going to allow you to endanger yourself. Not for this. And if he comes to me for advice, I’ll back him up in his decision.”

“At least you’re not beating around the bush,” Dean grumbles.

“As I said, I believe it’s the right decision not to do this.” She squeezes Dean’s shoulder before getting up and going back to the other side of her desk. She scribbles something down and hands him the paper. “Unrelated to the liver donation.”

He accepts the note with the prescription somewhat puzzled, but when he looks at it, he sees what it is fast enough. Suppressants.

“You’ll soon be adding baby food to Mary’s diet. Once she’s completely on solids, your hormones will go back to normal. To make sure there’s no surprises, you need to start taking these as soon as you stop nursing.”

Dean looks at the paper blankly. “Who says I want no surprises,” he mumbles, voice small, before looking back up at Pam. “Is this Cas’ decision?”

Pamela frowns. “No, Dean, I didn’t talk to Cas about this. Not since the hospital. But after what happened at Mary’s birth, I assumed you wanted to wait.”

“Okay,” Dean nods relieved when it sinks in that this isn’t his mate making the decision for the both of them and sending Pamela to break the news. Dean clears his throat, “Would it – would it be as dangerous as the liver thing?”

Pam regards him silently for a moment. “It would come with its own set of risks. But if you really want to go through with the liver donation, then you _have_ to take the suppressants. You can’t be pregnant for that. And you’d have to wait a significant amount of time after, too. Your body can only handle so much before we risk a miscarriage.”

Dean bites his lips. That’s one thing he most definitely doesn’t want to risk. “What if I don’t do the liver donation? Could we try for another pup then?” They haven’t talked about it, Cas and him. Mary is a sunshine and they’re basking in her glow. But they’ve always wanted more than one child. Before Dean almost died, that is. He’s not sure Cas is still on the same page.

“I see no reason against it. You know it’ll never be risk-free, but now that we know what we’re up against, we can keep the risks under control.”

Dean nods mutely, holding the paper tight enough that it crumples between his fingers. That’s why he hates doctors. They never make him feel better, they only bring more impossible choices with them.

“Go home, Dean,” Pam says softly. “Think all of this through before making any decisions. For today, you’ve been here long enough that you’ll have ten missed phone calls from your worried mate. And I have ten more patients waiting.”

 

She’s wrong. He only has seven missed phone calls. They are all from Cas, though. He doesn’t answer them. Instead he stuffs the prescription into Baby’s glove compartment. He doesn’t think he can tackle all of this at once. He needs to compartmentalize.

His Dad, then. Does he want to risk his life for him? John did a shitty job as a father, that much is clear. Dean doesn’t want to talk to him ever again. But knowing he’s going to die and not trying to help? That seems wrong, too. It also seems wrong, though, to risk Cas’ and Mary’s happiness. And he’s aware that that’d be exactly what’d be doing. They need him, both in their own way, and even if it’s his own life he’s risking, what he does affects them, too. Very directly.

But Sam. He’s deprived him of his father once, out of necessity. Because his Dad wasn’t up to the task of actually being a Dad. He’s not sure, that much has changed in that department, not really. But Sam’s trying to help his Dad any way he can. He’d probably do the organ donation, too, if he was eligible.

But then, Sam hasn’t just almost died a few months ago and if Dean is honest, he’s kind of in favor of keeping himself alive, as shitty a move as that might be. But he’s got a good thing going and he wants to see Mary grow up and give her a sibling or two or three. And then he wants to grow old with Cas and annoy his pups and grandpups. Risking that for a man who’s never done much more than order him around and tell him he’s no good for anything but being fucked into a wall by an Alpha, yeah, doesn’t really give him tingly happy feelings.

Problem is, the minute he gets home and tells what Pam’s told him, the decision will be out of his hand. There’s no way Cas is going to let him risk his life. Not when he still gets that spooked look every time he sees Dean’s scar. Not when even a mention of Mary’s birth makes him cling so tight that Dean’s got to extract himself if he doesn’t want to get smothered.

He gets it. He really does. The thought of another surgery is scaring the ever-loving shit out of him. It’s just that Cas hasn’t done anything like this before. Has never taken a big decision out of Dean’s hands, refusing him autonomy over his own body. And Dean isn’t sure about that. Knows that he will go along with Cas’ decision. But isn’t sure what it will do to them. Whether it will change who they are.

“Fuck,” he mutters because his thoughts go in circles. Time to get expert help. He gets his cellphone out.

Gabe answers after the third ring. “Milton Residence, currently in closure. Would you like to buy one almost new couch?”

“Thanks but no thanks. I’d rather not find out what kind of stains can be seen in black light on that thing.”

“It may comfort you then, good Sir, that there’s no complimentary black light to your purchase.”

Even as tightly wound as he is, Dean chuckles. “Very comforting indeed, Gabe. So how’s it going with the ‘closure’?”

“Uhh, we still have a few weeks. But we’re trying to get rid of all the stuff we always wanted to get rid of and never found the motivation to. Need anything?”

“Nope. My mate came fully furnished.”

“Ah yes, if I think hard, I seem to remember that.”

“Still not really talking to him then?”

Gabe grumbles something inaudible on the other end of the line.

“You’re moving back to the pack. You’re going to have to let that grudge go at some point.”

“Most likely,” Gabe agrees. “But he might as well stew a little longer.”

“Well, it’s not like he wasn’t expecting it. It was ‘a calculated risk’,” Dean replies drily. “But Gabe, man, you’re happy about this, right? Not the situation with Cas obviously, but the move? You’re happy to get into your pack again? And to have a bunch of teenagers to boss around?”

“Yes, Dean-o,” Gabe answers, long-suffering and fond at the same time, “don’t tell them I said it, but I’m happy about it.”

“That’s great. Good for you, man.” Dean nods and takes a deep breath. “So this thing with the move, did you ever, you know, feel like not doing it just cause you knew the Alphas wanted you to do it?”

“For a minute there, sure,” Gabe shrugs. “But you know, it actually sounded like a good plan. And what were they going to do? Drag me to the pack kicking and screaming?”

“What if that had been an option?” Dean insists.

Of course that’s too much and Gabriel gets that something is off. “Dean-o, what’s this about? You fighting with Cassie?”

“Not yet,” Dean sighs and lets his head slump against the seat of the Impala.

“Hmm,” Gabe says thoughtfully. “Before I ask you what you’re going to fight about, tell me, do you want me to talk you into it or out of it?”

Dean huffs because that is typical Gabe. It’s also why for all his melodrama, Gabe is a good friend. “Out of it, I think,” Dean replies.

“Ah, pretty sure you’re normally a lot better at the level-headed non-confrontational stuff than I am. But I can try my best. Alright, shoot.”

Since Gabe already knows the gist of the whole issue, Dean gives him the outline of the news Pamela gave him in short words.

“So, am I getting this right: You think you’ve got a duty to do this, even though you don’t want to. But instead of happily taking the out my brother is going to provide you with, you rather want to start a fight about it on the principle that you want to be able to throw your life away without him having a say in it?”

“Sorry, man, you lost me there,” Dean sighs.

“Alright, I’ll shorten that for you. Cassie’s got a point. You know he’s got a point. Problem solved.”

“You’re a jerk, Gabe. And that’s not the problem.”

“Enlighten me then, Dean-o.”

But Dean fumbles on the explanation, so he does the next best thing and translates his own shit onto Gabe’s situation. “You know, he has your best interest in mind, too. And you ain’t talking to him because of it.”

“I’m letting him know that it’s a sucky move to decide shit without me. But I’m not doing anything stupid. I’m packing up my life and moving to the pack because I can see that it’s the right thing to do. Can you see the right thing to do?”

“Yeah,” Dean says grudgingly because he does but he doesn’t like the choices he’s got in the first place.

“Then nut up and do it, Winchester.”

“Novak,” Dean corrects, both automatically, and because yeah, it’s actually important to him.

“See, there we go. That’s a good decision right there. Now live up to it.”

Before he has a chance to answer, the line clicks and Dean lets out a deep breath. He hates it when Gabe is right. Of course, he called him exactly because he knew he was going to be. Dean punches the steering wheel with a heartfelt “fuck”, then apologizes to Baby by softly rubbing over her leather, and finally starts her up to head back home.

 

He finds Cas in the kitchen, staring at his cellphone like that will magically make it beep, instead of working through the never-ending stack of papers that comes with pack business. He’s staring hard enough, actually, that he doesn’t even notice Dean in the doorway.

“Sorry about that,” Dean makes his presence known. “Should have called you back.”

“Dean!” Cas jumps up, worry tangible. “Is everything okay?”

Dean nods and pushes himself off the wall to come into the room. “Yeah, I’m good. Mary asleep?”

“In the nursery,” Cas confirms and points at the baby phone.

As good a time as any, then. “I need to talk to you for a minute. Can you spare a moment?”

Cas squints at him, confused at the request but not wasting a second trying to puzzle it out. To his credit, he tries to be unobtrusive about catching Dean’s scent but you can’t be married for this long and not know your partner’s tells.

“Here,” Dean comes a few steps closer, turns his palms outward, lowers his eyes and tilts his head to the side to grant Cas access to his neck to sniff out what he wants to know. He’s going to find conflicting emotions that need verbal explanation anyway.

“What are you doing?” Cas asks and actually takes a step back and away.

And yeah, that gesture was probably more explicitly submissive than anything he normally does these days when they’re alone. But it’s as good a preemptive apology as anything. “Confessing that I went behind your back. And apologizing for it.”

Cas shakes his head, confusion clouding his scent. “Dean? I don’t understand.”

Dean sighs and rubs his forehead. “It wasn’t a check-up, Cas. I asked Pamela to figure out whether I was eligible as a liver donor.”

“Oh.” Cas’ lips form the ‘oh’ and then just stay in that shape.

“Look, Cas, I just – I needed to know.”

Cas’ scent starts swirling in dark murky waves. He’s unhappy about this but not really angry. Not yet, anyway. “So, are you? Eligible?”

“Yeah,” Dean nods.

“Do you want to do it?”

And here is where the thin ice comes. Dean gives a self-conscious half-smile. “I’m pretty much expecting you to say no anyway.”

There is a moment’s pause while Cas’ scent keeps swirling. Like Cas is going through all the options of what this means and what could be an answer before settling on anything.

Dean bites his lip. He is careful to keep his body angled towards Cas, to keep himself open for any answer, even while his eyes at the moment don’t want to meet Cas’.

When Cas finally answers, it is in a tentative tone, like Cas feels the thin ice beneath them, too. “If you expect me to say no, you have reasons for it.”

Dean nods. This part is technical, and technical is easy. It’s the feelings-part that trips him up. So he launches into explaining the procedure as best as he can, includes its risks and what it means for them personally. “Pam’s made it clear that she is against this,” he finishes. “If you want the medical details, you better call her directly, though. You understand this shit way better than me.”

He shrugs his shoulders somewhat sheepishly, uncomfortable when Cas keeps staring at him.

“Look, Cas,” he clears his throat when his voice threatens to shut down on him. “I get it. I do. This isn’t the most brilliant idea. It’s just that – it seems shitty to prioritize my own life over someone else’s. It’s okay if you do it, I guess, but if I do it, it feels very selfish.” He trails off, not willing or able to explain this any further.

“Look at me, Dean, please,” Cas asks, his voice quiet and searching.

Dean does. It’s not like he’s got anything to hide from his mate.

“Do you _want_ me to make this decision?” Cas asks, watching Dean intently.

That question takes Dean by surprise. He rips his eyes away from Cas, stares at the tiles on the floor instead. Not that they provide him with an answer. “I don’t. I do. I don’t know.” He groans in frustration and shakes his head. This is all too much to process. He needs to take a step back and hang onto the things he knows and proceed from there. He starts with a basic truth, “I trust you, Cas. If you decide this for me, I won’t put up a fight.”

He lets the end of the sentence hang in the air, a little unsure, and of course Cas picks up on it. “But?”

Thin ice. Very thin. Thinner than anything in their marriage so far, maybe. “But I’m scared,” Dean admits. “What it’ll mean for us. Not cause of whatever decision you make, but…”

“But because I made the decision,” Cas finishes the sentence.

“Yeah,” Dean nods.

“When I promised you to never force you to do something you don’t want to do.”

“Yeah.”

“But then you almost died and it scared me to death and suddenly that overrides everything else,” Cas says bitterly, turning away from Dean and walking a few steps towards the window, clearly upset. Mostly with himself, Dean thinks.

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean whispers. “You’re allowed to be scared.”

“Not when I take it out on you,” Cas replies harshly. He turns back to Dean with a snap. “You knew this, too. You went behind my back because you knew I would react like this.”

Yes, clearly upset. “I’m here now, Little Alpha,” Dean reminds him. “I came to you.”

“You did,” Cas agrees, voice still harsh, “after you had made up your mind. And knew that your decision aligned with mine.”

There’s very little sense in debating that. Because it’s pretty much exactly what Dean did.

Cas’ hits his fist against the wall with a muttered “Fuck.”

Dean flinches even though the aggression is turned against Cas himself, not against Dean. But it’s uncharacteristic and at least as unsettling as the self-deprecation in Cas’ voice.

“So now when I tell you that it’s your decision and not mine, it won’t mean a thing. Because I already know your answer. It won’t prove anything to you. Or to myself.”

“It’d still be nice,” Dean tries a half-smile. He doesn’t like seeing Cas this upset.

Cas runs his hand through his hair before looking back at Dean. “It is your decision, Dean. I’m not taking it away from you.”

“So if I decide to do it after all?” Dean asks carefully.

Cas clenches his hands into fists at his side, but he doesn’t move towards Dean. “I won’t like it. I’ll try to persuade you otherwise. But I’m not forcing you. I promised you that and I intend to uphold it.”

“Okay,” Dean replies, suddenly feeling a lot better. “Okay.”

“Will you do it?” The question does nothing to hide the spike of anxiety in Cas’ voice and scent, even though Dean knows he tries to mask it. He always does. But he’s got that spooked look again, and his eyes are drawn to the floor by the kitchen counter, the place where Dean broke down that day.

“No,” Dean says softly and closes the distance that Cas put between them to wrap his arms around his mate. “But you knew that.”

Cas doesn’t answer and goes to hide his face in the side of Dean’s neck. They hold each other close until the fear is drained out of both of them.

 

Of course by the time Dean calls Sam, some of that clarity that he’d felt with Cas is already gone, muddled up by guilt. He’d probably get away with blaming this on Cas. Since Dean expected things to go that way, so will Sam. But that seems unfair, too. He’s gotten this far when Sam picks up.

“Hey Dean.”

“Hi Sam. What’s up?” He tries to make it sound cheerful.

“It’s – how’s it on your end?”

Instant deflection, okay. Seems like they’re two people playing chicken. “Have you talked to Dad recently?” Dean asks instead of elaborating on his own mood.

“What did he do now? Did he call you?” Sam groans.

“Umm, no, why should he call me? We don’t talk,” Dean asks confused.

“Oh. That’s good I guess. So, well, yeah, I’ve talked to Dad the other week.”

“How was he?”

“Health-wise? Okay, I guess. He said something about not drinking anymore. Again.”

“Do you believe him?”

“I don’t know. He said something about meetings but he couldn’t give me any details. So, I don’t know, man. He’s said this before.”

“I can’t do it, Sammy,” Dean blurts out. “I’m sorry but I can’t.”

It takes a moment for Sam to catch up. “You’re talking about the liver donation.”

Dean rubs his hand down his face. “Look, I know apologies don’t cut it but – I can’t do it.”

“You’d be suitable,” Sam says surprised. “You’re not his biological son but you’d be suitable.”

“Yeah. The irony isn’t lost on me,” Dean sighs. “But Sam, man, I have a mate and a daughter to care for. I can’t risk it – I kind of don’t want to, either. And I love you, man, and I want to see you happy and I know this sucks and maybe if I was a better person – “

“Dean!” Sam breaks him off.

Dean takes a deep breath. “Yeah, anyway, I’m sorry if you hate me for this. But I’ve made my decision.”

“Dean, I ain’t going to hate you. I get it. Really, I do.”

“You’re not upset?”

Sam laughs a shaky laugh. “Fuck, I’m upset at a lot of things, but no, this one I get.” Suddenly Sam’s voice sounds nervous. “There’s this thing Cas told me once. That I wouldn’t understand it, how impossible it is not to freak at the first sign of danger to your mate. Not to want to do everything in your power to have them happy and safe. Not until I found a mate myself.” Sam’s voice gets so quiet that it almost fizzles out. “He was right, I didn’t get it back then. I get it now.”

Dean’s eyes widen when he gets the meaning of what Sam is saying. “So, you and Jess?”

Sam exhales. “We haven’t made it official yet. But yeah. Me and Jess.”

“Good for you,” Dean huffs gruffly. He’s not going to say out loud how much he misses being able to hug his brother right this second.

“It’s taken a while to come to terms with it. For both of us. But you know, every day we’re together, it just feels like we’re going stronger. We both feel it. That this is it.”

“Yeah,” Dean nods. “I know that feeling.”

“It’s – complicated, of course. There’s repercussions. I mean, our professor, the one we’re working for, he already knows, and you know, that man is just everything-sexual, so he’s okay with it, but he’s warned us that we’re going to run into issues with old-fashioned clients and judges. And I mean, for me, I want to go into gender law anyway, so it’s kind of okay because progress on social issues, you know? But Jess thinks about going into criminal law and that’s a whole different can of worms.”

“Well, at least you’re still both bleeding-heart liberals and none of you wants to go corporate.”

Sam huffs at that but moves on without retort. “And then there’s Jess’ family. She’s told them and let’s keep it at ‘they’re less than happy’.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Well, Jess says they’re going to snap out of it eventually because they always do. And because her parents didn’t exactly follow the family traditions, either. So I’m trusting her word on it.”

“But?”

“But since she told her parents, I decided to tell Dad.”

“Oh Sam,” Dean groans.

“What? He’s my Dad, right? And I’ve been willing to help him get his life back on track enough for him to have a chance to get a donor liver. Because he searched for me to do exactly that. I should be able to tell him that I found my mate, right?”

Dean lets himself fall back on the couch. Because yes, of course, in theory all of this true. But in practice? “Let me guess, he reacted less than stellar?”

There’s a stony silence on the other end of the line.

“Come on, Sammy, what did he say? Did he blame it on Jess or on me?”

“How’d you know?” Sam asks flabbergasted.

“It’s not that hard to figure out. His precious Alpha son turns queer? Either his defiant Omega brother made him come out wrong, or he got seduced by an evil Alpha who wants to do unspeakable things to him. Which in all fairness, she probably does,” Dean snickers.

“You’re a jerk.”

“Yeah, yeah, and you’re a bitch. But really, Sam, what did you expect when you told him that?”

“Acceptance?” Sam says.

“Right.” Dean rolls the word out as long as he can to make the sarcasm clear. “Jesus, Sam, shouldn’t the way he talks about Alphas and Omegas and, well, about me have given you a hint that he’s not good with any shit that’s out of the norm? I mean, come on, I married a frikking pack-Alpha, and I’m still the rebellious misfit just because I don’t wait meekly for my Alpha to give me permission to defend myself.”

“I know,” Sam answers and Dean can virtually see the helpless shrug. “I know all of that. But he’s my Dad. I thought he deserved to know.”

Some mean part in Dean agrees completely with this statement. John Winchester deserved to know that his pride and joy didn’t turn out the way he wanted. That his Alpha-son has his own mind and his own agendas and won’t be pressured into conforming by his overbearing father. Out loud, he says none of this. “So, have you talked to him since?”

“I’ve tried to call him twice. He didn’t pick up.”

“You going to keep trying?”

“No.” It comes out determined and with a hard edge. “He has my number. He can call me back if he wants to. Until then, I have more important things in my life.”

“That’s a good choice, Sammy. I’m proud of you,” Dean says quietly.

Sam sighs. “Don’t be. I’m thinking about it at least twice a day. How he could die any day and we’d have parted with a fight. But this, Jessica, that’s important. She’s important. I need to fight this through. I can’t give in.”

Dean smiles. “As I said, I’m proud of you, Sam. You’re making the right choice.”

“So are you,” Sam replies. “With the liver donation. You’re making the right choice, Dean. Your mate and your daughter should be your priority.”

“I know. It ain’t any easier than it is for you, though.”

“Fuck. I want to hug you right now,” Sam bursts out.

Dean chuckles, “Yeah, man, Cali’s too far for any chick-flick moments, thank God.”

Sam snorts. “I’ve stopped believing the ‘no chick-flick moments’ thing even before Cas, you’re aware of that, right?”

“Shut up,” Dean answers but there’s no heat behind it. They both chuckle for a bit before Dean says. “We’ll stand by you, you know that, right? If you ever run into any trouble anywhere else, you can always come back here, you and Jess.”

“Thanks, Dean.”

“Nah, no need. I’m glad that you’ve found your one. Well, and that she’s stopped badgering me about being oppressed.”

“She’s said sorry about ten thousand times!”

“Yeah, and I’m still going to use it as ammo for the next decade or so.”

“You’re an ass.”

“Probably. You going to have a ceremony or you doing it the old-fashioned way? Just biting down hard in the throes of passion?”

“Jesus, Dean.”

“Hey, ain’t my fault if you’re imagining me and Cas when I’m saying that.”

“I wasn’t – great, now I am. Yet another image that I’m going to need brain bleach for. Also, we don’t know yet. We’ll see what Jess’ family does. I’d love to have some kind of celebration. Maybe you and Cas could visit us in Cali.”

“Party on the beach! Sounds good to me,” Dean nods.

“Well, I don’t know about the beach, but there would definitely be sunshine.”

“I’m taking that, too. What about hand-holding?”

“You and me?” Sam teases. “Not sure Jess would be happy with that.”

“Asshole. Me and Cas. Could we get away with it in Stanford? In public, I mean.”

“Yeah, Dean, I’m reasonably sure you could.”

“Awesome,” Dean smiles. “That’s one thing off of Cas’ bucket-list.”

There’s no answer from Sam but Dean can almost see the big goofy grin on his face.

“Yeah, now run and tell your fiancée all about that. She’ll love it,” Dean rolls his eyes, knowing he’s managed to produce a chick-flick moment after all.

“I just might,” Sam grins. “You two are such big saps, anyone ever tell you this?”

“And you’re a nerd.” It’s not his best insult but who cares. “Now run and do whatever you do in Cali. I got to go look after Mary anyway.”

“Alright, Dean. Thanks for calling me.”

“Whatever. Tell Jess congratulations from me, okay?”

“Will do.”

 

After that, Dean does his best to focus on his brother being happy with Jess, and forget about the issue of his Dad. Charlie is keeping track of John but it seems that he’s gone back to Kansas City and is staying there. With Mary growing and discovering the world around her, he’s got enough distraction to shove his Dad to the back of his mind. One day, Mary starts grabbing at things and actually getting a hold of them. She loves bright colors, staring mesmerized at the bright pictures in the kitchen that Dean had rarely even noticed anymore before she started noticing them. It’s a little bit like he discovers the world around him through her eyes. It makes him happy and mellow and bit by bit, the house calms back down to its usual contentment.

Come September, everyone is ready for the new school year to start. Dean’s decided to take a couple of classes in the fall semester. Not a full course, but enough that he won’t be completely behind. He chooses two psych classes that he can share with Kevin, trusting his friend to keep him up to speed if necessary.

The new school year also means changes for the pack, since they’re opening the boarding school. They’re starting small, with about two dozen students being bussed in from other packs every morning, and no more than a dozen actually staying in the dorms.

Cas has been careful about leaving Gabe and Bal as much space as he can, giving them almost complete freedom how to organize the dorms. Dean’s gone down there while they were getting settled in more often than Cas has, he thinks. But then, even though Gabe has decided that it is too complicated to hold his grudge any longer, the move has complicated things.

Which is exactly what Dean is contemplating right now while sitting on the porch of the new Milton apartment and waiting for a batch of cookies, that Gabe’s baking ‘in case someone gets homesick’, to be done.

“So, have you been in town yet?” he asks Gabe while Mary is trying to hold onto his fingers and happily babbling nonsense at him.

“Where do you think the ingredients for the cookies came from, Dean-o?”

“The supermarket. Where you don’t actually need to talk to anyone. Unless of course you sent Bal in the first place.”

“I did not,” Gabe huffs indignantly but by the tight set of his shoulders he’s not as blasé about the topic as he pretends to be.

“You got to face them someday, dude.”

Gabe grumbles something incoherent that might or might not consist mostly of curse words.

“I’ve been living here longer than you. I tell you, they’re not going to treat you badly.”

“They were forced to respect me once. Then I turned out Omega and that was that.”

“I’m just as Omega as you are. So we both know that’s not true.”

“Right,” Gabriel says sarcastically. “I’m sure they’ll be awesomely happy to welcome the spoiled princess Omega turned whore turned defiant mate and housemaster.”

“Well, the last part is probably an accurate description,” Dean shrugs. “As for the rest, I’m very sorry to inform you that Anna takes the title of spoiled princess and according to your own words the job description was porn star, not whore.”

Despite himself, Gabe snorts a laugh, which Dean takes as a win.

“Come on, man, you know how this works. Own up to your shit, be your usual charming self, make them uncomfortable, let them gossip for the month they need to calm down. It’s not like you were ever shy about this in the city.”

“City’s different,” Gabe grumbles.

“How so?” Dean asks.

“For one, the city isn’t Cassie’s pack. If I get into someone’s face for giving me shit in the city and Bal has to run interference, it affects no one. Here, it falls back on my little brother. He took a pretty big risk, taking us in. Knowing full well that if we fuck this up it’s his reputation that’s going to be dirtied.”

“Yeah, that’s Cas for you,” Dean nods and smiles when his daughter starts chewing on the lovey he’s given her to keep her occupied. It’s a little rag doll bunny and currently her absolute favorite. “Alpha-Daddy is one of the good ones, isn’t he?” He looks up at Gabriel again. “Gabe, you got to go out at some point. Hiding will only drag this out. Come out with me at least. Let’s answer all the hush-hush questions about favorite Omega nephews, and whether they should apply at our school, together.”

Before Gabe can answer, Dean’s phone comes alive to the sounds of ‘Long Brown Wavy Hair’ by Led Zeppelin. Gabriel already stretches his arms out for Mary before Dean can ask him to hold her for a second. He hands her over, grumbles “this conversation is not over”, and answers the phone.

“Heya Sammy.” He knows from Sam’s choked breathing that something is wrong before he ever says the first word. “What happened? Are you okay? Is Jess okay?” Dean asks in a staccato rhythm while getting up and giving himself a little more distance from Gabe.

“Yes, Dean, we’re okay. But – It’s Dad.”

Dean’s first reaction is relief. Not Sam, not Jess. That’s good. His second reaction is: last time Sam updated him on Dad, he wasn’t that bad off, was he? “I thought his blood values were doing okay-ish?”

“Yeah, he told me that. I’m not so sure about it anymore. He might have lied.” Sam’s voice is tight now, suppressed anger battling with grief. “He told me the values had stabilized after he stopped drinking so much. Apparently that wasn’t the case.”

“What happened, Sam?” Dean asks.

Sam takes a deep shuddering breath, like he’s steeling himself for the answer. “He was drunk and fell down the stair case in his apartment house. A neighbor found him in the morning.”

“Shit. Is he dead?” And maybe he shouldn’t be asking this quite as bluntly or maybe he should be feeling more than he is, but he looks over at where Gabriel is wiggling the rag bunny in front of his daughter and he just can’t.

“No, he’s alive. Technically, at least. His brain is damaged. They’ve got him on life-support right now. They say he isn’t going to wake up.” Sam’s voice turns small and scared, like he’s still the little brother Dean knew growing up. “They say as the Alpha of the family I need to come and decide whether to turn off the machines or put him in long-term care.”

“I thought he had a DNR,” Dean says with a frown. Hunters usually do.

“No, he didn’t, apparently. But I remember that he’s always said that if an accident happens he doesn’t want to end up as a vegetable.” Sam’s voice breaks. “Dean, I can’t do this. Not on my own. Please, I need you to be there.”

“Breathe, Sammy. Of course I’m going to be there.” Because when his little brother needs help he’s going to help. But then, it’s not just him anymore. He has a mate and a pup, and Castiel’s schedule is tight because of the new school. “Fuck. We need to go pretty much now, don’t we?”

“The hospital, they said we should come as soon as possible. We’re flying out tomorrow,” Sam confirms.

“You’re bringing Jessica?”

“Yes. She’s – having her there will help. We can all stay at Dad’s place. I guess we’ll have to clean it out anyway.”

Dean paces the porch while he thinks. “Yeah, we’re taking the car. There’s no way in hell I’m flying. Not with the Little One.”

“So Cas and Mary are coming?” Sam asks.

“Course they are,” Dean says before he notices that, “Well, I got to ask Cas first I guess. With the school year starting, the timing is awful.”

“He’ll make time for this,” Sam replies like he’s completely sure about it.

Dean chuckles drily. “Yeah, if only because he won’t let us go alone, Mary and me. Not even if we take a pack chaperone.”

“He worries,” Sam says empathically.

Dean’s eyebrows rise. “Since when are you taking his side? You’re supposed to be a hippie, remember?”

“Well, hippies talk about their feelings and are there for each other in times of need. So worrying is natural for us.” It has the distinct feel of deflection but Dean doesn’t call him out for it.

“There it is, the brotherly love chick-flick moment. And I’m out.”

“Dean!” Sam huffs in annoyance and that’s definitely better than sounding like a scared kid.

“We’ll be there, Sammy, okay?”

“Thanks, Dean.”

“Yeah. I’m going to hang up now and call Cas, alright?”

 

He does just that. But not before he hasn’t gotten his daughter back from Gabe, who’s understood the outline of what has happened from listening in to the phone call anyway, and for once doesn’t make a fuss about giving Dean his daughter back. The comfort of holding Mary is not lost on either of them.

Dean gives Cas a quick summary of the phone call, before finally saying, “Sam asked me to be there. So that he wouldn’t have to do this alone.”

“Of course, Dean. This is your family. You need to be there. I’ll have Hannah clear our schedules and book us flights.”

“No!” And that came out somewhat too forceful.

“No?” Cas asks confused.

“I mean, yes to clearing our schedules, but no to the flights. I won’t subject my daughter to a flying steel cage of death.”

“They’re not -,” but then Cas sighs, fully aware of Dean’s fear of heights. “You want to take the road to Kansas City?”

“The Impala needs to feel some wind around her hood again. She loves the highway.”

“You don’t trust a plane with our baby but you trust a car that has all the safety features of 1967?”

“Yes,” Dean nods. “Yes, I do. Because the Impala is solid. And she’s not 10 000 feet in the air. She drives as smooth as can be. Mary sleeps like – well, like a baby when we’re in the Impala. You’ll see.”

“The Impala is also a really bad gas guzzler,” Cas makes a last ditch attempt at swaying him.

“But she does have one front bench where your stupid car has two individual seats.”

There is a moment of quiet and a sigh of defeat. “The Impala it is.”

 

Cas triple- and quadruple-checks everything after Dean’s already double-checked it after strapping Mary into her seat. “Come on, Cas, it’s not that long a trip. And if you forgot your toothbrush, we’ll just buy you a new one. I’m completely sure that we’ve packed everything we need for Mary.”

Cas glares at him but he gives up on half-unpacking their bags and instead zips them shut and closes the trunk with a loud thunk.

“Hey! Don’t take it out on Baby!”

“I thought you wanted me to hurry,” Cas glowers.

“Yeah, but don’t kill the Impala! You invested a lot of money into her, remember that!”

Cas huffs and gets into the passenger seat without a further word. So it falls to Dean to wave at Hannah and Charlie who’ve come outside to bid them goodbye. “Just make sure the pack doesn’t fall apart in the next week or so, okay? And you have his number.”

Hannah nods solemnly, looking like all the responsibility in the world has fallen on her shoulders. Charlie, on the other hand, just shrugs and waves at him with a half-smile. “Take care, Dean, okay? And bring our baby back safe and sound!”

“She’s still ours, not yours, but we will.” He shakes his head and gets into the Impala. “You hear that, Little One? They’re already worrying only about you. You’ve got them wrapped around your tiny fingers. Make use of it any way you can.”

Mary gurgles at him happily, while Cas gives him a disapproving frown.

“I know, I know, no raising a princess like Anna,” Dean sighs and starts the car.

They’re quiet for the time it takes to reach the interstate.

“Look, she’s already soundly asleep. I tell you, there’s nothing like the rumbling of the Impala to quieten her down when she’s restless.”

Cas looks over his shoulder at their sleeping daughter. A tiny smile steals on his face, the first Dean has seen today. “She’s definitely got that from you, not from me.”

“You worry too much, Cas. Hannah’s going to hold down the fort just fine.”

“It’s not that – it’s this,” he gestures vaguely.

“What? It’s a road trip. You do those. And look, this time it’s not even your sister waiting for you at the end of it.”

“Instead it’s your father in a coma. I don’t see how that’s any better.”

“Well, for one, you got me and Mary with you.” Because Cas had whined about leaving them behind for a week straight before he’d gone to his sister’s to co-sign the lease on her new apartment and generally check on how she was faring. Which is surprisingly well, all in all. She has gotten herself a job as a secretary, and has apparently even made some friends.

“It also means that you’re in a high-speed vehicle instead of safely at home.”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “You wanna drive, Cas? Would that make you feel better?”

“No,” Cas shakes his head. “It’s not that I don’t trust your driving skills. It’s that I don’t trust anyone else’s.”

Dean lays a hand on Cas’ knee and squeezes. “It’s just the highway, Cas. There’s not much traffic and I’m not speeding. We’re going to get there safe and sound. Just relax.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I do not find the highway very relaxing, Dean.”

“Yeah, I have noticed, actually. You sure the highway’s the problem, though?” Because they’ve done road trips before. Never this far, never this long. But they’ve started out before sunrise and come back past midnight to go see a waterfall or just enjoy a day together without business interfering. And Cas hadn’t made a fuss about the highway then.

For a while, it looks like Dean won’t get an answer. Cas is staring out of the side-window deep in thoughts. When he finally turns back, it’s to look out the front instead of at Dean. “I don’t like being away from our territory.”

“Any specific reason? I mean, Hannah’s particular about shit, she’s going to keep things in order until you’re back.”

“I know,” Cas grunts. “She usually does.”

“So it’s _because_ I’m with you on this trip,” Dean deducts. “Don’t trust me outside of your realm?”

Cas hunches his shoulders. “It’s not that.”

“What is it then?” Dean asks and glances over to his mate.

He has crossed his arms in front of his chest and stares morosely at the road. “Alpha crap. I can deal.”

“Cas?” Dean is worried now. Cas doesn’t close up like this usually.

“I don’t like it, Dean, okay? Can’t you just accept that?” Cas snaps.

Dean flinches at the tone but a worried look into the rearview mirror reveals that at least Mary is still sleeping and hasn’t noticed anything of their spat.

“Okay,” Dean soothes. “If that’s what you want, I’ll do that.”

It’s an argument ended not by resolving it but by Dean giving in for the sake of peace, and they both know it. So they drive in uncomfortable silence until Dean turns the radio on and finds a classic rock station. Cas makes no move to change it to something that’s more to his taste, either. He regrets snapping at Dean, then. Because they never drive without arguing about the music. Especially not when Mary is in the car, who needs to be introduced to good music early on – their opinions about what constitutes ‘good music’ are pretty far apart.

The fact that he lets him get away with classic rock makes Dean feel more lenient towards his mate. Cas has been awfully tense about all of this. So a bitchy mood can be forgiven.

“Want to stop for a burger and a round of fries?” Dean asks Cas to break the mood and get the conversation going again.

Cas shoots him a surprised look like he hasn’t expected Dean to make conversation and is grateful for it. But he shakes his head. “We’ve not come far enough.”

And they really haven’t. “Want to scoot over at least? Make use of the fact that there’s a front bench?”

It’s a major peace offering but Cas squirms. “The seat belt won’t go far enough.”

“Humor me, Cas. Try it.”

Cas huffs but he rearranges himself towards the middle. Dean scoots over as far as feasible while driving. It’s enough that their shoulders touch.

“There, that’s better. You can lay your head on my shoulder. Rest for a while. I’ll wake you if there’s anything going on.”

There is a long moment of hesitation but then Cas curls up so that his head comes to rest on Dean’s shoulder and his hand lies loosely on his thigh. Dean lays his own hand over it and holds on.

“There. That’s better.”

Cas buries his nose into Dean’s shoulder and mumbles a “Thank you”.

“I know,” Dean chuckles. “I’m awesome.”

 

When they finally stop, it is early afternoon. They’ve made good progress and Mary needs to be fed and she needs new diapers. Dean bites the bullet and takes her to the ladies’ room at the rest stop while Cas gets their food. As usual that’s the only restroom that has a changing table. But as long as he keeps his head down, chances are, he’s going to be left alone. If Cas tried to come in here to change Mary, someone would probably call the police.

As it is, he smiles his way through two older Beta ladies cooing in baby talk to Mary and feels kind of bad for a young Omega girl who stares at him wide-eyed and scared. He tries to think of something reassuring to say, but before he has time to come up with anything, she darts out of the room.

That’s enough random meetings for his liking so he goes to find Cas. “Can we find a spot somewhere off to the side? I don’t want to feed her in the bathroom and I think they’re going to throw us out if I try it in here.”

“Of course,” Cas nods and takes both the diaper bag and the tray with their food. He’s collected again, radiating Alpha strength, and Dean falls in step behind him.

They find a bench to the side, somewhat shielded by a group of trees. It’s got to be good enough.

“Do you need any of that apple or carrot stuff we brought? Cause I think that’s still in the car.”

“Not when we still have hours of driving to do. She’s not quite used to it yet. I don’t want her to throw up all over the car. You can try to feed it to her tonight, though.”

Cas looks at him doubtfully. “Is it worth the effort?”

Dean chuckles. “I’m sure the motel room has a shower to clean you up after.”

“It’s not my fault that she expects food to come from you not me!”

“Well, you just got to keep trying. She’ll get used to it.”

Cas sighs but nods. “I’ll do it for your amusement.”

Dean grins because, yeah, the times they’ve tried this usually ended up being exactly that – amusing. Cas doing his best for 15 minutes while Mary is either playing or throwing a hissy fit, and Dean not quite able to curb his amusement at Cas’ increasing desperation, before finally taking pity on his mate and taking over.

It’s both great and slightly scary to see how fast things go. How there’s more meals than not now that Dean supplements with formula and solids because Mary is growing fast. How he’s pretty sure that it’s a matter of weeks before that’s all she’s going to eat.

She is glowing at him from her position in his arm, the mellow fall sunlight tinting her skin golden, and he tries to etch the moment into his mind to keep it forever. Not with a picture that can get lost, but with a memory of being happy.

When he looks up at Cas, he finds that Cas is looking at them with much the same expression, a golden glow over him and deep happiness in his features. And maybe they shouldn’t be this happy, not at a random rest stop on the way to witnessing his father’s death. But Dean doesn’t want to change the moment for the world.

 

The motel they finally check into has its rooms furnished in garish bright colors. At least they’re blues and greens, so they don’t incite immediate emotion, but Dean shudders at the composition. It seems reasonably clean at least, the lingering smells those of cleaning product and not of the former occupants of the room.

Cas busies himself putting up the travel bed for Mary while Dean gets the rest of their stuff ready. Mary is already getting grumpy, so he gives her some milk but as promised leaves the solids to Cas.

He’s got to give it to his mate, he tries. He’s infinitely patient, no matter how often their daughter turns her head away or closes her mouth firmly. But when she manages to hit her little fist against the spoon so that most of the orange concoction lands on Cas’ face and shirt, and Dean laughs outright, his laughter drawing Mary’s face into a smile, too, that’s the final straw.

“Your daughter,” Cas decides and hands her over to Dean, who accepts their pup even while he’s still laughing.

“And here I thought you were the picky eater between us. That would make this your fault.”

“But you’re getting it wrong. It’s not about being picky. It’s about being stubborn. So definitely a trait she inherited from you.”

“Ah, I have a feeling we both got a good portion of that, isn’t it so, Mary?” Dean rubs his nose against his daughter’s which makes her giggle. Then he puts her into a better feeding position. “Alright, let’s see whether we can manage to eat a bit of that without having it all land on Omega-Daddy, huh?”

It’s slow and tedious even when it is Dean feeding her. He’s got a feeling that his daughter is not going to turn into a big fan of vegetables. She likes the apples and bananas just fine, but carrots and green peas are not her thing. Still, she eats enough of it that Dean concludes that she’s probably not hungry anymore when she’s finally completely unwilling to open her mouth.

“I can bring her to bed,” Cas offers. He’s already managed to wash the carrots off of himself.

“Thank you,” Dean smiles gratefully. He doesn’t want to admit it, but the long drive has tuckered him out. So he lets Cas get Mary ready while he gets a shower to loosen his tight muscles.

By the time, he’s back in the room, the lights are dimmed and Cas is at the end of today’s good night story. “And they lived happily ever after,” he closes before giving Mary a soft kiss on the forehead. “Good night, Sunshine,” he whispers.

“What was the story about?” Dean murmurs but Cas just puts his finger to his lips.

Dean nods. Okay, Mary’s not quite asleep yet, better be quiet. It’s rare that she falls asleep with this little fuss anyway. But then, it was a long day for her, too, with many new scents and impressions, even if she got enough time in the Impala to sleep.

After having gone through his own night ritual, Cas crawls into bed next to Dean and pulls him close.

“So what was it about?” Dean asks again.

“Us, dummy,” Cas whispers in his ear. “Every story I tell her is about us.”

 

The happy mood doesn’t hold through the morning. The closer they get to Kansas City, the more Dean can feel himself closing up. The corn fields limit his field of view, and by the time they reach the metro area it seems downright claustrophobic.

He’s instructed Sam not to look back when they fled that night, almost a decade ago. But Dean did. He saw the skyline get darker in the rearview mirror, and he was glad about it. He breathed a relieved sigh when it was gone, for the first time in months feeling like he could fill his lungs to the brim.

The feeling of being suffocated under a blanket of smog and humans is back now, getting stronger the closer they get to the city. The closer they get to the hospital. Mary starts fidgeting in the back, picking up on his unease, and Cas looks at him worriedly.

“Can you call Sam? Ask him where to meet them?”

Cas nods and pulls out his cell phone. “Hello Sam. We’re in the metro area now. We wanted to know where to meet you. … Dean, Sam asks how long we’ll be?”

“45 minutes at most.”

“Did you get that? Yeah, okay. … I understand. … We can do that, yes. … We’ll see you there.” Cas hangs up and looks at Dean. “He wants us at the hospital. They’re there already.”

“Okay,” Dean nods.

“Dean? Sam said that…”

“I know,” Dean interrupts him. “The hospital has kept him alive longer than his insurance is willing to pay. They want to get this over with, I get it.”

“I’m sorry,” Cas says.

“Just make sure that Mary doesn’t start screaming.”

Cas nods, turns to Mary and doesn’t try to talk to him anymore.

When they’re at the hospital, Dean finds a parking spot close to the entrance. But when he wants to get out of the car, Cas grasps his sleeve.

“Dean, are you sure you’re ready to do this?”

He isn’t. He’s not ready to go into any hospital at all. He wants to shield Mary from ever having to set foot into one again. He really doesn’t want to go into this hospital, either. He doesn’t want to see his father die. And the fact that he doesn’t want to see him at all plays only a very small role in that. But he’s promised his brother that he’d be there, so he’s going to do exactly that. He nods curtly.

“Dean,” Cas urges him and wants to pull him closer and into a kiss.

But Dean pulls away, extracting himself from Cas’ grip. “Too many people,” he excuses, and it’s true, there’s patients and visitors sitting on benches in front of the entrance and for a lack of better entertainment, they’re watching the cars and new arrivals. And the Impala is not exactly low profile.

But of course, it’s still an excuse. Dean’s pulled himself tightly into his own head in the past two hours, leaving a mask on the outside that looks like him and talks like him, but can’t get hurt like him. He knows Cas knows it and doesn’t like the mask, wants to coax him out of it, but right now, Dean needs the protection.

“Alright,” Cas says quietly. “Do we need the baby carrier?”

“No,” Dean shakes his head. “I’ll take her. That way she smells me and not the hospital. But if you could take her bag?”

“Of course,” Cas nods.

Mary is still fussy and fights him every step of the way when he tries to fasten her into the sling he uses to carry her. That’s the disadvantage of having her close to him, she knows how off he smells.

“Should I take her instead?”

“No!” It comes out louder than he wanted, so he takes a deep breath and starts again, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout at you. It’s fine. I can carry her.”

“If you start calling me ‘Alpha’ next, I’m marching out of here and right back home, I swear,” Cas mutters.

It’s only then that Dean takes in his own posture. Arms clutched around his daughter, shoulders hunched, eyes to the floor. Making himself smaller and less of a target. Adopting a stance that had been natural once but isn’t anymore. Or shouldn’t be. But now he can’t seem to help it.

“Just lead the way, Cas. Please. We’ll follow,” he pleads.

Cas grumbles something that Dean doesn’t understand but he walks towards the entrance. Dean fastens his gaze to his back. His pup’s warmth against his chest and his mate’s familiar shape in front of him are a balm to his nerves as they climb the few steps to the hospital entrance.

“Excuse me,” Cas asks at the reception. “We’re looking for a John Winchester. He’d be in the palliative ward.”

“Oh,” the nurse says, “let me look it up. Yes, he’s on the 2nd floor, room 22. I’m very sorry for your loss.”

Dean wants to shout at her that his father is not dead yet but he knows better than to raise his voice in public. Cas only nods a friendly “thank you” at the nurse before moving on, so Dean lets it go.

They’re alone in the elevator and Cas turns to him, worry tinging his scent into marsh waters. But Dean keeps his head down. He wants this over with. Cas runs his hands along Dean’s arms for a moment, trying for comfort without pushing him to talk, before turning back to face the doors.

The elevator goes _bing_ and they stop. Cas is halfway out of the door when he abruptly turns back to Dean. “I love you. I want you to hold on to that. No matter what other thoughts want to crawl in, I love you and you’re not alone.”

He turns and walks on, doesn’t expect an answer. Dean doesn’t think he’d have one ready anyway.

Instead, he follows Cas blindly down the corridor, vision and awareness shrunken down to his mate. He’s forgotten about that, how little information you actually have as an Omega to navigate the world of the city. How little you can protect yourself from random attacks when you’re not allowed to look up for fear of provoking said attack. How very few spaces you can carve out in which to walk upright and be loud. How dangerous it is.

An image of Benny flashes through his mind, yelling profanities at an Alpha while cradling a dazed Dean in his arm after said Alpha had turned out to be a sore loser and ambushed Dean on the way to the restrooms. But he’s always known that. That the games that he plays are dangerous. That the brazen front can be taken down if he makes one wrong move.

Then he shakes himself because that’s not true anymore. That’s not him anymore. That’s not Benny’s broad back in front of him, Benny who also just pretended. Who couldn’t actually kick the Alpha of the day because for all his burly exterior, he’s not the Alpha everyone is taking him for.

That’s Cas’ back, and while it’s less broad than Benny’s, Cas has the Alpha strength to back him up. He also has a vested interest in protecting Dean and the pup. Because he loves them. And Cas can hold his head up high and scan the room for any sign of danger. He has the tools and the strength to defend them if necessary.

That’s as far as Dean gets before Cas knocks on a door. He doesn’t wait for a ‘come in’ before he opens it. Immediately, Dean’s senses fill with the familiar scents of his Alpha brother and his future sister-in-law. His dad’s scent gets lost under it and under the disinfectants. They’ve scrubbed him clean and the alcohol is out of his system. That leaves only his actual Beta smell, less potent than anything else in the room.

“You’re here, thank God,” Sam sounds exhausted but not like he’s been crying.

“We came as fast as we could. It is complicated with a baby. How are you holding up?” Cas asks.

“We’re – holding up. They come in regularly to badger us to sign the papers. I’ve told them not before my brother is here.”

Dean can hear the confusion in his brother’s voice, feels his gaze on him where he’s still standing next to the door. Poised to run, maybe. Not ready to take a final look at his Dad, definitely.

“Go and hug him,” Cas says softly to Sam. “He won’t come to you right now. But he is here.”

It feels like less than a second later that he’s enveloped in a moose hug. Because Dean still has his arms slung protectively around Mary, it’s not a real hug. Not one where he hugs back. But it’s weirdly comforting anyway.

“Thank you for coming, Dean,” Sam says. “Thank you that we can do this together.”

Dean nods stiffly and Sam lets go of him.

There’s the rustling of papers, Cas has found the medical files clipped to the foot of the bed, and out of habit is looking through them.

“Dean,” Jessica’s voice surprises him. She is closer than he thought. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I had little hope that there could be a good outcome for your father, but I had hoped he’d have enough time to reconsider the importance of his sons in his life.”

“Son,” Dean corrects without looking up. “I’m not his, remember?”

“He raised you, though. That should have been enough.”

She pets Mary’s head softly, a tender gesture that is out of place, both with an Alpha and between them. It brings her hand close to Dean’s nose, though. And where he hadn’t seemed to be able to look up from the floor before, he now stares at Jess.

She flushes and draws her hand back. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

But Dean shakes his head. “You’re…?”

She blushes even brighter but now a tiny smile brightens her eyes. “Yes. Yes, I am.”

“But you two aren’t even mated yet!”

She shrugs. “Doesn’t mean we can’t – you know. And we thought with the low chances of conception for a female Alpha, we better start trying early. Turns out, we needn’t have worried.”

“You’re pregnant?” Cas asks from the other side of the room, John‘s patient-file forgotten in his hands.

“Yes, she is.” Sam’s sudden smile is so wide that it seems to take up his whole face. “It is early still, so we’re not telling anyone who doesn’t notice on their own. We have a good feeling, but the doctors tell us the first three months are critical.”

“They are,” Castiel agrees. “Especially with high-risk pregnancies. And Alpha pregnancies are always considered high-risk.”

“We’re aware,” Jessica nods. “We’ve decided that we’re only going to start preparing after the three months are over. But it already seems like such a miracle that it took barely half a year to take, it’s hard not to be happy.”

And she is, every idiot can see that. She is radiating a warm glow that softens her features without taking away from her Alpha characteristics. If possible, she is even more stunning than before. Dean has no idea how his brother has gotten her, but he’s done something right. All he says to him, though, is “Dude, you might want to contemplate cutting your hair. Babies aren’t afraid to pull hard on anything they can hold onto.”

It gets him a chuckle from his brother and a relieved look from Cas. He nods at his mate. Yeah, he feels better now. Good enough that he finally turns to look at the motionless figure on the bed.

He looks so pallid he seems almost see-through, his cheeks fallen in, his mouth tucked open because of the ventilation tube. Maybe it’s a trick of the harsh light in the room but he seems older still than he had a few months ago, greyer and wearier. There’s no expression on his face, no anger, no pain. Just the quiet lifting and lowering of his chest with the rhythm of the machine that pumps air into his lungs.

Dean knows it then. Knows that his father is already dead. That he won’t come back, even if they go back on their decision at the last minute and keep him in long-term care.

“Do you two need a moment alone with him?” Cas asks.

“I’m good,” Sam says. “I’ve said my goodbyes this morning. I was scared before I came here. But now that I’ve seen him… He’s already gone. It makes no difference that the machines are keeping his blood flowing.”

Dean nods because his brother has put words to what he was thinking. He stares at his father a moment longer. Waits whether there are words coming, a goodbye that he wants to share. But there’s nothing. His father hasn’t been part of his life for a long time. He’s not going to miss him. He looks up at Sam. “You can call them.”

Dean stands to the back of the room when the doctor comes. She goes through the papers with Sam again, explains to him the sequence of how she’ll turn off the machines and what will happen then. She doesn’t mention organ donation. Their father has managed to systematically destroy his body. Sam nods, quietly, and just asks where to sign. He sends one last look over to Dean before he sets his signature on the papers.

The doctor prattles on about how good it is to have family there, how much you can lean on each other, how nice it is not to have to die alone. Dean isn’t sure whether his father appreciates it quite the same way the doctor does. Not when she’s pulling the tube out of his mouth, not when she clicks off one machine after the other.

“It’ll be a while, most likely. I’ll give you your privacy. Just call me back in when you need me.” When it’s over, she means, but she’s too tactful to say it.

They watch quietly then, how their dad takes one shallow breath after another, each getting less strong than the one before.

Jess sits down in one of the visitor’s chairs at some point, and Cas joins Dean in leaning against the wall. It seems to take an eternity, though the clock on the wall says that it’s barely fifteen minutes.

Finally, Cas pushes himself off the wall and goes towards the still body on the bed. He lays his hand against John’s pulse point, softly but surely finding the right place. He waits for a minute, then he shakes his head. “There’s no pulse, he’s gone.”

They all exhale a breath at the same time, the sound mingling into a sigh that Dean isn’t sure whether it’s sadness or relief. For better or for worse, it’s over.

 

They’re still dazed and quiet when they make it to his Dad’s apartment. More than ever, Dean is glad about his daughter giving him structure and purpose. He cares for her first, makes sure she’s fed and dry before laying her on the bed in the bedroom that Sam and Jess insist they take, because their father’s apartment does not have a guestroom. There’s a pull-out couch in the living room but no blinds on the windows and everyone needs to tap through this room to get to the bathroom or kitchen. It would be impossible to get Mary to sleep in there.

So Dean doesn’t complain about getting the bedroom, just puts up Mary’s bed and sorts their stuff. His brother and his fiancée have already started packing his father’s belongings. Most boxes are labeled ‘buyback center’. There’s almost nothing of value, nothing they want to keep. Dean’s too raw to think about the few memorabilia that might be found around the house. Photos of them and their mom, probably. Maybe a few awards they won as children. His Dad’s dog-tags. It won’t be much and Dean’s not sure he wants any of it. A few photos maybe.

Mary’s still wide awake so he gets a couple of her toys, her rag doll bunny and a few things that are colorful and make noises, and they amuse themselves by playing with them. For once, no one barges in, a quiet and peaceful bubble wrapping around them until Mary’s eyelids droop.

“Alright, Little One, bed time.” He spends somewhat longer than necessary making sure that she’s settled in, will to go out into the tiny kitchen and mourn for a loss that feels like no more than an empty ache not there. But finally, Mary is truly and utterly asleep, and he can’t stall any longer.

In the living room, it smells like Chinese takeout, which is a relief. Being in his Dad’s space, it felt like Dean should be trying to figure out a semi-decent meal from whatever is leftovers in the fridge. But they’re not that anymore. They have money for takeout.

“Yeah, I spent the first few hours just purging the place of anything that smelled like alcohol or old sweat or garbage, so that Jess could come in without being nauseous.”

“I’m not used to that. As a lawyer, you need to be able to pretty much stomach anything. But right now, God, my stomach doesn’t seem to want to comply.”

“It’s very normal,” Cas throws in. “It’ll go away after the first trimester. Dean had pretty bad bouts of morning sickness, too. It can be taxing.”

“Have you found anything that helps?”

“Going through it together when possible seemed to make both of us calmer. But no, the nausea showed up unprovoked, we didn’t find any triggers to avoid. Though I’m guessing alcohol-soaked apartments fall under that category.”

“Well, we’ve washed all the sheets and towels, so everything we’re using is fresh. If that is not enough, we can buy room fresheners in the morning.” Sam’s got the same softness, the same concern and will to make everything better without knowing how in his voice that Cas had shown throughout the nine months that they’d been waiting for Mary.

Any other day, Dean would be teasing him for it, today all he does is come into the room and ask, “So, what’s the plan for tomorrow?”

He snatches the most filled takeout container from the table, not really caring about what’s inside. With Jess pregnant, he trusts that they haven’t ordered anything too spicy that would have funny effects on Mary.

Since the hippies have taken the couch and Cas the armchair, Dean plonks himself down on the ground in front of Cas.

“I think I saw a chair in the kitchen. I can get it. You can have the armchair,” Cas says immediately.

“It’s fine, Cas, leave it,” Dean replies and pats his knee before looking back over at Sam. “So, plans?”

“We’re trying to get everything done as fast as possible. But bureaucracy is a slow process. Cas, maybe you could come with me tomorrow? The fact that you have a pack to run might sway them where Stanford doesn’t.”

“If you think it is worth the try,” Cas says doubtfully. His hand has landed on Dean’s shoulder, softly massaging the tight muscles.

“And Dean and Jess, you could maybe keep packing stuff here? Dean will know when you stumble upon anything of sentimental value, but mostly it can all go.”

“So, Cas can come but you want us safely inside,” Dean deducts.

“Dean,” Sam sounds pained but at the same time doesn’t deny the accusation.

“He’s been like this,” Jess says. “Ever since we found out.”

“Welcome to my life,” Dean deadpans.

The hand on his shoulder tightens in response. Less of a reprimand and more of a slight guilt, Dean thinks, but he’s too exhausted to care.

“So, we’ll play homemakers to come home to. For how long do we have to do this?” he asks instead.

“Hopefully just the day. We’ll try to get whatever boxes are done either to donation or to recycling in the afternoon. And if everything goes well, the funeral will be the day after. I’ve talked to the landlord already, the rent was paid through the end of the month, so he’s got no problem with us vacating the place whenever we want. The apartment came furnished, we don’t need to clean anything out. I’m not sure we’re going to get the security deposit back, though. The ceran stove has a crack, however Dad managed that, and there’s stains on the floor that I doubt we’ll get out. I vote for not even trying.”

“Fine with me,” Dean nods because he’s cleaned up after his Dad enough while he was alive. He’s not keen on doing it now.

“And that’s about it, that’s all we can do here.”

“So, we should be able to go back either in the late afternoon after the funeral or at the latest the morning after?” Cas asks to confirm.

“Yes,” Sam says. “That’s the plan. We have a court case next week that we need to get back for, and I’m sure you two don’t want to spend a second longer than necessary in Kansas City.”

He looks at Dean for that, who just kind of shrugs. He’s got no intention to discuss what was up with him today at the hospital. What is still up with him, judging by the fact that it actually feels grounding to sit at Cas’ feet. His mate has moved to idly grooming Dean’s hair and it’s more relaxing than it has a right to be.

“The pregnancy and baby squad will do its best to clear the apartment out tomorrow. Let me already warn you, though, that between the actual baby and Jess’ morning sickness, we won’t be fast.”

“Mary’s such a love bug, though,” Sam swoons. “I’m sure she won’t give you any trouble.”

“Cas, I think we found a new volunteer for babysitting. Want to spend a hot night in town tomorrow?” Dean chuckles.

“Umm,” Cas says intelligently.

“You’re right, we should train him up first. She gets formula and apple mush in the mornings, let’s see whether you fare better than Cas with that.”

“Challenge accepted,” Sam grins while Cas groans.

“Hey, they’ll need all the practice they can get. They’re two Alphas without good instincts.”

“That’s not true!” Sam and Jess immediately protest, and Cas tuts disapprovingly, too.

“No gender-stereotyping, Dean!”

Dean turns his head up to look at his mate. “So you’re saying Mary just likes me better? I mean, I’m obviously the cooler parent, so…” he smirks.

Cas pokes him for the teasing but then leans down to seal their lips in a kiss. “You taste like Chinese food.”

Dean chuckles, “So do you.”

 

The mood is almost normal after that, and they start trading stories about school and the current developments in the pack, studiously avoiding anything that has to do with John Winchester. They still call it a night early, the day having been long.

It’s a strange feeling, sleeping in his father’s bed when he knows his father has died today. Cas draws him in extra close as soon as he slips under the covers. “Is there anything I can do to make this better?” he asks. “If you need me to, I can Alpha the hell out of this trip.”

Dean isn’t sure whether it’s supposed to be light and teasing or whether there’s an actual question hidden under it.

“Hey, it’s what you do with Sam, isn’t it? You rile him when he’s upset so that he forgets the pain? I’m pretty sure I can rile you without even trying.”

It sounds self-deprecating more than it sounds Alpha. Dean’s stomach clenches in response. He understands what Cas is doing but it won’t work tonight. “Don’t. Please don’t,” he asks quietly.

Immediately, the mood shifts. “I wasn’t serious. Just trying to make you smile.”

“I know,” Dean says. “But I can’t promise you that it would work. Probably going to end up begging your forgiveness whether I did anything or not. And I’m pretty sure that’s going to upset you a whole lot more than whatever’s going on now.”

Cas doesn’t answer, doesn’t give an outward indication that the statement upsets him even while his scent turns muddier, and Dean can virtually feel him retreating into himself.

“Please, Cas, don’t do this.” Dean gropes around the blankets to find his mate’s hand and lace their fingers. “It’s not about you. It’s this place. I’m - I was someone different here than I am with you. It’s hard to get rid of that.” Or maybe he had been too young to know who he was at all. Though there’s a few bright moments that stand out, most of them with Benny, fishing somewhere at a lake when they had the leisure and the gas money. Benny never had expectations of who Dean was supposed to be. He saw him work with all his masks and never assumed any of them was Dean.

“Who were you then?” Cas asks, still unhappy with this place and himself, but willing to listen and to learn, so that he can adapt himself to whatever Dean needs him to be. Cas is kind of amazing this way.

Dean is not really sure this is a good idea, though. Cas is off balance already. This is not going to make anything better. “Who I needed to be,” he replies, and it’s not the detail that Cas wants but there’s virtually nothing good attached to any of this.

“Please, Dean. Share with me.”

Dean grinds his teeth, because he wants to spare Cas this, but it’s hard to refuse him when he asks so seriously, eyes shimmering in the darkness.

Dean lays back, stares at the ceiling to collect his words, to find a way to put this that is true but won’t sound too violent. He keeps their fingers latched, though, makes sure they keep their connection. “Well, I wasn’t upset about the move in the beginning. Pack was strict. Big focus on submission. And I had presented early. I didn’t fare too well with that.”

He feels the tightening of Cas’ fingers around his hand and Dean thinks they both remember the same things. Dean’s instant panic when they first met. His expectations about how a pack-Alpha would treat him. The long road until the last remnants of fear stopped.

“Thought it would be easier in the city. Just my Dad to submit to, right? No one else cares. Well, that part was true, I guess. Just, the fact that they didn’t care did not mean they left me alone. And sucky as the pack was, at least everyone was held to some standards. They didn’t just take their moods out on the Omegas.”

He’d had a small place in that pack. Very small, very quiet. Not supposed to speak when not spoken to. Not supposed to have own initiative, just do what you’re told. He’d kept to himself and cared for Sammy. That was allowed. Child rearing is an Omega task after all. A small place. Not what he wanted. But a defined place at least. He hadn’t valued that until it was gone.

“In the city, it’s everyone for themselves. Learned that fast enough. No real choice but to learn fast. Not with a deadbeat dad. With no one to come in to PTA meetings and take a stand. No one to hunt down people who hurt you. All my Dad ever did was…” But Dean breaks off. Cas knows this, in general terms anyway. Dean doesn’t need to dredge it up. “Yeah, he wasn’t helpful.”

By now, the emotion is rolling off of Cas in waves. He tries to keep it in, the impulse to rip everyone who’s ever hurt Dean to shreds. But he doesn’t quite manage. He manages not to squish Dean’s hand, though, so that’s good at least.

“You want to stop?” Dean asks though they haven’t even gotten round to the part that Cas had asked about. “We don’t need to do this.”

“No, go on. I want to know.”

It sounds half-strangled but the determination is clear, so Dean nods and takes the story back up. “I tried, in the beginning, to use what I’d learned in the pack. To be a proper Omega, be silent, keep my eyes to the floor. But I hadn’t learned how to keep myself safe with my eyes down. As long as I was good, no one was supposed to touch me, right?” He huffs a laugh at his own naivety. “Not how it works in the city. Just makes you a better target. And once you’re a target… Yeah. So, I stopped being good and tried to fight back. Wasn’t very successful at that, either. Had some hunter’s instincts, remembered some of what my Dad had taught me about fighting when I was a kid. But he’d stopped teaching me soon as I presented.” Cause from that moment on he wasn’t supposed to fight back anymore. Or even defend himself. Just supposed to take what people dealt out. And his Dad had dealt out plenty. “All that really happened was that I got labeled ‘Omega troublemaker’. Not that the teachers had been on my side before. But now they made it clear that they thought I deserved what I got.”

Not able to keep his instincts completely in, Cas starts growling under his breath.

Dean pats his shoulder absentmindedly while his mind is stuck in the past, stuck with his Dad’s reaction after the principle had actually managed to get a hold of him to tell him about his son, the troublemaker. Getting slammed into a wall hard enough that his wrist broke. Should have been enough to deter him. Wasn’t. Not that he’d had much of a choice. Cause there was no pack anymore to regulate his Dad’s drinking. And daily necessities like food had already gotten scarce.

“Managed to make it through another year or so at school. Got somewhat better at hiding shit. But I knew things weren’t gonna get better. And there was Sammy.”

Sammy who’d be a freshman in high-school soon. Sammy who was smart and figured out enough about what was going on anyway. Who was pale and determined when he put ice on Dean’s bruises, not letting Dean shoo him away. Who learned how to stop wounds from bleeding and how to do stitches before he learned chemistry in school. Who Dean had to shove out of the way when their Dad was in a mood, so that he wouldn’t try anything stupid like come in between Dad and Dean. Who Dean was sure was going to pick a fight with the Alphas in Dean’s year once he figured out that some of the bruises weren’t from Dad. A fight that he’d inevitably lose. Sam might never have turned into an Alpha who uses his strength, but he’d had his courage even before he presented.

“Got harder to keep Sam safe over the years. And then he presented and I knew I needed to get him out. So I dropped out of school. Told Sam I’d found work and to keep it secret from Dad so that he wouldn’t know we had money. Didn’t tell him that I was planning to get him out of here completely. Didn’t want him to think he had to help. Kid was too smart for his own good anyway, figured way too much shit out on his own.”

It’s the first thought that makes Dean smile. It had annoyed him to no end, how hard it was to keep secrets from Sam. They’d had a contest almost, Dean always trying to stay one step ahead, Sam bitching and bickering and trying to find out what Dean was hiding. Obnoxious. But it kept Dean going where Dean might not have kept going for himself.

“Was weird, coming into your pack after all of that. Wasn’t used to people actually helping. To not having to be on my guard. Had to relearn how to follow directions and be good. But I knew you were doing us a kindness. I didn’t want to repay it by cheating the system. I didn’t want to lose it, either. Was the best gig I’d ever had.”

Steady income that came with a gruff boss but without the risk of being left for dead in a ditch somewhere. Only few Alphas around, most of them mated, the others easily avoided. Shopkeepers that didn’t either wrinkle their nose in disgust or leer at him, but smiled and wished him a good day. A school board that let him talk to Sammy’s teachers and sign his permission slips with his own name, despite the fact that he was just the brother and an Omega.

“I know you hate it, Cas,” Dean turns back to face his mate. “How your voice is the only one that’s being heard here. But for me, having you speak for me is a big step up from the last time I was here. Keeps me safe. Much safer than I ever was before. So, I’m okay with it. I really am. ”

“I’ll keep you safe, Dean. I always will. I just fear that –,“ but Cas breaks off and whatever he’s scared of, he doesn’t utter it. Instead he mumbles, “I wish it could be different.”

“Yeah, Cas, me too,” Dean says and scoots over so that he can lay his head in the crook of Cas’ neck.

Their conversation tapers off after that and it doesn’t take long until they fall into an exhausted slumber.

 

Surprisingly, Mary sleeps through the night, allowing Cas and Dean to wake up tangled into each other like they rarely get the chance to do these days. Even better, she keeps herself to making cooing noises at her bunny doll for a while, giving them the chance for a few languid kisses before getting up. Morning breath be damned.

But alas, the quiet can’t last and if the retching noises from the bathroom are anything to go by, the others are awake already, too.

Sam looks positively haunted when Dean makes it out of the bedroom with Mary.

“Jess threw me out,” he says miserably.

Dean sighs. “Here,” he holds out Mary to his brother. “Cas can show you how to feed her. Tell him not to grumble at me for handing his pup off to another Alpha.”

Sam takes Mary gingerly but she’s unperturbed. She’s known his scent since the first days of her life. And of course she instantly fists a tiny hand into Sam’s hair.

“Told you, man, that hair is dangerous with a baby around,” Dean chuckles and claps his brother on the back before making his way to the bathroom.

He goes in without knocking. Jess is on the floor, heaving but not currently retching. By the smell of it, she’s been at it for a while, though.

“I’m doing my obedient Omega allotment for the week outside of this apartment, so don’t even try to throw me out,” he says in lieu of a greeting.

“Go away,” Jessica says feebly but without any actual intent behind the words.

“Yeah, yeah,” he mutters and takes stock. She has her hair in a ponytail already and there’s a wet towel lying next to her. “Alright, Alpha-lady, see whether you can move enough to get that hair of yours into a bun or something. Just so it’s out of your neck.”

He searches around the cabinets until he finds a small stack of washcloths. He holds one under cold water until it’s completely soaked.

“Cold washcloth on neck, it usually helps a little at least,” he announces what he’s about to do so that he doesn’t get a surprise reaction. Never good to surprise Alphas by touching their neck or throat.

But Jess doesn’t react other than leaning her head forward so that he can put the washcloth on her skin.

“Try to breathe shallowly. Through your mouth if the smell triggers a new episode of nausea.” Dean instructs. “For me, it also helped when Cas rubbed slow circles into my back, but I’m reasonably sure that it should be Sam doing that for you, not me. Why’d you throw him out anyway?”

“He worries so damn much. It’s nauseating all on its own.”

Dean chuckles. “Better get used to that. Will only get worse the further the pregnancy progresses.” He sits down gingerly on the edge of the tub.

“I don’t want to get used to it,” Jessica moans. “I want this to stop.”

“Well, the morning sickness will eventually. As for the rest, you could see it as research. You want to champion Omega causes, this is the closest you’ll get to feeling like one of us. Just remember that you’re getting the best case scenario here. The one where you have an Alpha who cares hovering over you. And protecting you from whatever harassment you’re going to get. And you’re going to get your share of hate once this becomes obvious.” There’s enough people who think it’s unnatural for an Alpha to bear children, whether they’re physically able to or not. Child-bearing is for lower people. Then add the double-Alpha combination on top, and yeah, Jess is going to have to fight against some stupidity.

Right now, though, there’s another round of dry heaves shaking her body, so Dean presses the washcloth to her neck so that it doesn’t fall off.

“Nothing to retch up in your stomach anymore, huh?” He says.

She shakes her head.

“Let’s at least refill some fluid then.” He grabs one of the toothbrush mugs, rinses it thoroughly and fills it with fresh water to hand it to her. She takes it gratefully.

“You don’t need to stay,” Jess says once her body has calmed down. “I know it reeks in here.”

“Eh,” Dean dismisses her argument. “Give Sam and Cas another fifteen minutes to try and feed Mary. Maybe they can do it when I’m not actually there to take over.”

“You don’t put too much stock in them, do you?”

“I trust them not to drop her,“ he grins. But then he gets serious again. “Nah, they mean well. They just don’t have the experience. While me, well, Mom died when Sam was around Mary’s age. I’ve learned how to feed him before I could write my own name. So none of this is really new to me.”

“So it’s got nothing to do with them being Alphas?” Jess asks hesitantly.

“You asking me whether you lack the instincts to raise a child? I don’t think so. But if it makes you feel better, you can call me for backup and cheerleading if you ever need it,” Dean shrugs. “I can tell you all of Sam’s embarrassing childhood stories, too.”

Jess chuckles but when she looks up, her eyes are bright with unshed tears. Oh yes, hormones. Even worse with Alphas who aren’t used to much other than testosterone. “Thank you, Dean.”

“I’m not really doing anything,” he shakes his head. “So don’t worry about it.”

“No, Dean, I mean it. I know we got off to a rocky start and… and…”

And she’s starting to hiccup and her scent swirls in baby blues and pinks, and Jesus, hormonal Alpha-ladies are scary in their own way.

“Really, Jess, don’t worry about it. You came around. And you’re my brother’s mate and carrying his pup. Of course I’m going to help where I can.”

Saying something mushy like that seems to make her even more emotional, but she suppresses it as best as she can, just nodding at him with a shaky smile and wiping her face with the wet towel.

“Think you’re feeling good enough to try to get some toast into you? Or whatever else it is that gets you over the mornings?”

“Worth the try,” she sighs.

He helps her up from the ground, unsure that she’s steady enough that it is safe for her to navigate the slippery tiles on her own. She is at least steady enough, though, that he can throw a round of cleaning products on everything while she brushes her teeth.

When they finally emerge from the bathroom, there’s two worried pairs of eyes on them.

“Stand down, Alphas. The P&B squad is fine. A little pale around the nose, so herbal tea and toast would be appreciated,” Dean says and watches with delight how Sam springs into action. He’s going to have a good time teasing him with all of this once their overall mood is better.

He helps Jess over to the couch and drapes a blanket over her. She smiles up at him, and he thinks, yeah, she isn’t so bad. Then he makes his way over to his mate, taking Mary from his arms. “How did they do, Little One? You still hungry?”

She paws at him but not as pushy as she would be if they hadn’t gotten anything into her.

“Alright, you’re getting what you want. Does any of you mind?” he asks his brother and Jess.

“No, it’s fine,” Jess says, while Sam mumbles something that might or might not have been that he’s seen more naked skin than a chest from both his brother and his brother’s mate before. Which is probably true.

Dean can feel Cas’ eyes on him when he’s feeding Mary, while the other two Alphas are politely pretending not to be in the room. “So, was it you or Sam who got her to eat?”

“It was a combined effort.”

Dean smiles. “Well done.”

“Are you sure you’re okay staying here on your own today?”

Cas doesn’t beat around the bush when he’s worried. “Hey, it’s a locked apartment. And I have an Alpha protector. Well, whenever she’s not sitting on the floor next to the toilet bowl.”

“That was part of the question, actually.”

“What? Jess? Yeah, I’m okay being alone with Jess. And honestly, in her current state, I could probably take her out.”

Cas grumbles unhappily.

“Fair warning, if she’s still this out of it later, I’ll probably let her entertain Mary while I clear out the closets. Yes, I understand that you like other Alphas touching the pup about as much as you like them touching me. But Jess is family now, and both her and Sam are harmless.”

It’s not that big of a problem anymore. Not like it was on Thanksgiving last year. The time Sam spent with them directly after the birth did wonders, convincing Cas’ Alpha-side that even at their weakest, Sam won’t take advantage. That he’s not a threat. Jess still is a different topic, though.

“I know,” Cas groans. “But I didn’t like any of this in the first place, and what you told me last night, it doesn’t make me feel better about leaving you alone.”

Dean smiles and reaches a hand out to Cas who obligingly comes closer and wraps his arms around Dean. “You know what, Cas? If we’re not too tired tonight and if the hippies manage to handle Mary, I can show you one of the few places in this city that I actually like and kind of miss every so often.”

“I’m not sure there’s anything in this city that I’m going to like,” Cas frowns and draws Dean even closer.

Sam chooses this moment to interfere. “Cas? If we want to be on time, we need to go.”

It takes a minute for Cas to reluctantly let go of Dean. “Alright,” he sighs. “You call me if you need us to come back, right?”

Dean searches his mate’s face. “Getting the feeling you’re not asking so much for me but because you don’t want to go out there.”

“Possible,” Cas admits before bending down to give Mary a kiss on her head and Dean a proper goodbye kiss on the mouth.

“You can call me, too, you know. In case it gets too much,” Dean whispers to his mate, who nods in answer, not willing to admit to this any further in the presence of Sam and Jess.

As soon as their mates are out of the door, and Mary’s satisfied, Dean plops her into Jess’ lap. “I’m going to get myself some breakfast and then start packing. She’s usually peaceful after being fed, and if we’re lucky she’s going to fall asleep in a bit.”

Mary fidgets in the beginning, not as used to Jessica’s scent as she is to Sam’s, but since Jess is cooing over her and keeping her amused by wiggling the bunny around, she quietens down soon enough. Dean is satisfied with that and starts in on the shelves. Sam and Jess have already cleared out most of the bigger things, leaving the clothes and books and papers to be packed, since the landlord is okay with keeping the kitchenware. The bedding and towels that they’re still using they’re just going to throw out or leave behind as well.

He expects the clothes with their lingering scent to provoke some kind of reaction, but apart from the occasional bout of nausea when the alcohol and sweat smell are overwhelming, they don’t. The only item Dean lingers over is the leather jacket. It’s the essence of his Dad. It would probably fit him, too. He stares at it for another long moment, then shrugs and puts it in the box with everything else. He has no use for it. The only mementos he really wants are photos of his mother. He didn’t manage to take any when they fled and he’d love to have something to show to his daughter when she’s old enough to ask after her grandparents. He wants at least some good stories to tell.

Out in the living room, Mary is sleeping on the couch, carefully tucked towards the back, a barrier of pillows an early warning system in case she rolls too close to the edge. Jess is working on the book shelves already. Dean joins her.

They find a shoebox with photos, a folder with official looking documents and his Dad’s diary. They stack them on the table as the ‘to keep’ pile.

They make good enough progress that they allow themselves a long break when Mary wakes up, playing with her and enjoying the fact that a dead man’s possessions are not all that there is to the world.

“Were you ever unsure?” Jess asks him. “About having her?”

“Nah,” Dean shakes his head. “I’ve got a lot of hang-ups but that’s not one of them. Not with Cas.”

“You trust him. Implicitly. That’s what I didn’t get in the beginning. My parents, they love each other. They gave up a lot for each other. But they don’t have that. Not the same way.”

“Not like I expected it to be this way,” Dean answers with a shrug. “Believe me, I had your opinion. Always thought being with an Alpha was going to be the end to all of my freedom. To all that makes me me. Never wanted it until I met him. No one told me there was someone like him out there.”

They smile at each other, enjoying the new-found peace between them.

By the time Sam and Cas come back, they’ve made it through most of the shelves as well as another bout of morning sickness. Sam and Cas do as promised and bring the packed boxes to the buyback place. When they come back, they look like they’ve fought their way through every minute of the day, but they’ve brought pizza, so that’s lovely. And their day has been successful, too, since they’ve managed to get an appointment for a funeral, or rather, a wake, since their father will be cremated. He’s probably going to burn nicely, what with all the alcohol stored in his cells, Dean thinks bitterly.

“Have you looked through this already?” Sam asks and points at the stack of keepsakes.

“Nah. You look through them. I got no right to any of John’s shit. Not that I’d want it in the first place. But if there’s a few childhood pictures of us or a picture or two of our Mom that you don’t need, it would be cool if you could give me those.”

Sam shakes his head. “I don’t care that he hasn’t sired you. You’ve got as much right to this as I have.”

Dean shrugs and doesn’t remind him that it doesn’t even matter. That legally, everything goes to Sam as the Alpha anyway.

Mary is awake and active so she gets juggled from one leg to the next while they eat, making sure that everyone gets a chance to grab a few slices of pizza. Since she’s ended up on Sam’s knees at the end of the meal, that’s where she stays, Dean’s brother slowly rocking her to sleep. It seems to be working, too. Dean’s shown Jess how to change her diapers and Mary’s had her dinner, so technically…

“Cas, what do you say? Want to go explore the town?”

“I’ve been out in town all day long.”

“You’ve been to administration offices. That’s not what I was having in mind.”

“Dean,” Cas sighs.

„Come on, Cas,“ Dean tries to motivate him. „We can sit around here moping or we can do something fun while we have willing babysitters.“

“Well, maybe we should be moping. Someone died after all.”

“Yes, and we’re going to the funeral tomorrow. But until then we’re stuck. In this tiny apartment. Where I’ve been stuck all day. Three Alphas, me and the pup. It’s too much!” He knows he’s over-dramatizing and judging by Cas’ eye-roll, Cas knows it, too.

“Yes, you, me _and_ the pup. We shouldn’t leave her behind just so we can go out,” Cas insists stubbornly.

Dean doesn’t make the effort of a verbal answer, he just gestures with both hands towards where Mary is now sleeping soundly in Sam’s arms. Only when Cas doesn’t react does he say, “Does it look to you like my brother is going to let go of our pup any time soon? Cause to me it doesn’t.”

Cas frowns at that, and yeah, there is still some residual Alpha issue there, even if it’s just Sam holding the pup. But Cas’ scent doesn’t change, so obviously it’s not enough to really upset him.

Sam looks happy, though. He’s got a soft smile and is obviously proud that Mary fell asleep on him. “It’s fine, guys, if you want to check out the neighborhood, Jess and I will take care of the pup. As you said, it’s good training. And there’s always cell phones in case something happens.”

“Just make sure that you stop staring adoringly at the pup long enough to bring her to bed,” Dean snickers. The day with Jess has given Dean the feeling that she is going to be the practical one and Sam’s going to be the one to spoil their pups rotten. “Cas, what do you say?”

“I don’t want to go out in the city,” Cas whines. “It’s conservative and loud and there’s too many people.”

“Oh, come on, I’ll be a good Omega and not embarrass you.”

Cas glares at him. “That’s _not_ what I am worried about.”

And yeah, Dean didn’t think it was. But this is his chance to see his old hangouts one last time. They’ll be going home after this and he doubts they’ll ever come back. So he’s going to try to make it happen. “You could always let me go alone,” he shrugs, trying for casualty while fully aware that it’ll come over as a challenge.

So is Cas. And Sam and Jess whose nervous attention they suddenly have.

“Alone?” Cas coughs out, choking on his own spit.

Dean nods. “It’s my old haunts. I navigated them when I was 16. Reasonably sure I can do it now. With your permission, of course.” He adds a tiny evil smirk to that.

Cas glares at Sam and Jess when they both make a noise as if to interfere, then narrows his eyes at Dean. “You’re fully aware that you’re blackmailing me into this.”

Dean doesn’t refute the accusation. Of course Cas is not going to let him go out on his own in the city at night. But he can’t forbid it, either. No without betraying all of his ideals. And having two hippies on his case for the remainder of their time here. “There’s pool tables,” Dean tries to coax Cas into it instead. “I could teach you some more.”

“You could always do that at the Roadhouse at home,” Cas mutters but his tone is already defeated.

“They have pretty decent Cajun food. Or they had when I was a kid. I mean the pizza was nice and everything, but I could go for a second course,” Dean tries to sweeten the deal.

Cas sighs exaggeratedly.

Dean rolls his eyes. “Look, if after half an hour you think it’s horrible or someone starts insulting us, we’ll come back here. I’ll have seen the old places, and won’t bug you about it again. Deal?”

It takes another half minute of deliberation, but then Cas grumbles, “Deal. Am I expected to wear plaid?”

That is so unanticipated that it makes Dean break out in laughter. “Nah, Cas, you wear whatever you want. They can deal with you being overdressed.”

Cas huffs and marches towards the bedroom. “I’ll go change.”

Dean shakes his head with a small chuckle and turns back to his brother. “You really going to be good caring for Mary for a few hours?”

“Is that always how it works? You and him?”

“Which part? The bickering or me winning?” Dean smirks.

“Dude, that sounded like it might spiral out of control for a moment there.”

“Nah,” Dean shakes his head. “We’ve done this before. If I run up against a hard limit, he lets me know. Other way around, same thing.”

Sam thinks about it. “So if he had still said he wasn’t coming?”

“We would be playing Scrabble instead of pool,” Dean shrugs. “It’s the only board game we found among Dad’s junk.”

“Why do you want to see the old places again anyway?” Sam asks. “It’s not like you were particularly happy when we were living here.”

“Sentimentality,” Dean shrugs and is happy when Cas’ re-appearance saves him from having to come up with a more elaborate answer. How is he supposed to explain to his little brother that hustling pool, as dangerous as it was and as many close calls as he and Benny had, still are his best memories in this town? Some of the only moments he had felt powerful, taking money off of two or three stunned Alphas, who’d never have thought an Omega could beat them at anything. Instead of explaining that, he turns to his mate and lets an appraising glance travel up and down his body. It’s not plaid, but it’s jeans and a plain button-down, so that’ll fit in well enough. Not to mention that it also looks good. “You ready, Cas?” Dean smiles.

“No. But I guess we can go anyway.”

“You’re adorable when you pout.”

“And you are insufferable,” Cas grumbles and turns to Sam. “If you want to make up an emergency, feel free to do so and call us immediately.”

Sam laughs, “No, man, I’m not giving the two of you any unnecessary heart-attacks. But I will call if something is actually wrong.”

“Thanks, Sam,” Dean nods. He wants to give his daughter a goodbye-kiss but she’s sleeping tightly, so he might as well not wake her up. “You be good, Sunshine. Uncle Moose is going to take good care of you.”

“Call us,” Cas repeats while grabbing his coat, and Sam nods, and then they’re finally out of the door.

 

“Where do we even need to go?” Cas asks when they’re nearing the front door. His shoulders are hunched and he has his hands buried in his pockets. If it wasn’t for the fact that he’s very much built like an adult Alpha, he’d be the very picture of a sulking teenager.

“Down right, three blocks, then right again. It isn’t far.”

“Are we going to end up in gang territory?”

That makes Dean snort. “Nah. But it’s seedy enough.”

Cas sighs. “Can you at least stay close behind?”

“Cas,” Dean pulls him back when Cas goes to open the front door of the apartment building. He hauls him in for a kiss. It’s brief, their position too exposed for his liking even in the dimly lit hallway, but at least it makes some of Cas’ tension drain away. “You worry too much. I’ve lived here. I’ve walked these streets without a big bad Alpha to protect me by my side. We’re going to be okay.”

Cas catches his fingers, not drawing him closer but squeezing his hands tightly. “And I’ll try to go along and make this fun, so ignore my grumbling. I just hate having to follow traditions and not getting to decide how I treat you. It’s fucking conservative here.”

“Cussing? Cas, I’m shocked!”

“You could at least show some sympathy. I had to listen to them prattle and judge our family all day long.”

“Well, yeah, that’s what happens when you bury an alcoholic,” Dean shrugs. “I’ll make up for it by showing you a few new pool tricks, okay? And giving you a good view while doing it. All bent over…”

Cas groans. “And because we’re out in public in a fucking conservative town, I’ll have to refrain from touching you. And then we’re going to go back to a cramped apartment where we’re sleeping in a room with our daughter, and have your brother and his girlfriend on the pullout bed in the living-room. So tell me, Dean, how exactly is that going to make it better?”

“Well, there’s always the Impala…”

“And be arrested for public indecency? I’d rather not.”

“Spoil sport.”

“Yeah, that’s what you get when you marry the respectable pack-Alpha. Now you gotta live with it.”

“Yeah, I do,” Dean replies with a soft smile and goes for another kiss after all.

It makes Cas pliant enough that he even smiles back before letting go of Dean’s hands with a last squeeze. “Okay. Let’s see whether we can behave like a respectable couple for a night. For the record, I still don’t like it.”

“Ehh,” Dean shrugs. “It’s only for the way there. If the place I’ve got in mind still is what it was back then, we’ll be okay.”

Cas looks doubtful, but he turns and opens the door. He tenses back up the moment they leave the house. Even with the billowing trench-coat that he loves to wear all through fall, Dean can see how high his shoulders are drawn up. Dean gets it to a degree. ‘Respectable couple’ is not their normal modus operandi. Definitely not what counts for respectable in a conservative city. But Dean’s meant what he’s said last night. Cas’ voice speaking for him is better than anything else he’s known here. It’s easy enough to fall into it and let it keep him safe for the time they’re here.

Kansas City is big for Kansas and Missouri, but not big by anyone else’s standards. It’s got too large a share of bars that Dean thinks might have sprung up because the frikking corn fields that make up the next couple of hundred miles in every direction are so goddamn boring that people need to drown themselves in alcohol. Said over-supply of alcohol is probably the reason why they’ve ended up here after Lawrence, and why his Dad stayed to his dying day.

The street pretty much looks the same it did when Dean was young. They had a different apartment back then, but it was just a few houses down from where his Dad ended up. There’s the small green that’s supposed to be a neighborhood park. The ubiquitous laundromats. A supermarket. The Unified Alpha church. Not that he was ever in there for anything else but winning a dare that he’d sneak into the Alpha section in front.

There aren’t that many people on the street but the ones that walk towards them give them a wide berth. Cas must be leveling them with a death glare. Dean wants to reach out and reassure him that this is going to be okay, but he’s also said he’s not going to embarrass him. So he stays behind him as close as is still decent and avoids catching anyone’s eye.

Cas remembers where to turn, and suddenly the street changes, a cramped few blocks of pubs and bars, crowded with people. Cas stops for a moment, taking in his surroundings, before turning to Dean. “Just any of them or did you have something specific in mind?” he asks.

Dean hides his hands deeper in the pockets of his jacket and keeps his eyes low. “Towards the end of the street. It was called ‘Snappin’ Turtle’ back then. I’ll tell you when we’re there.”

“At least look up at me, Dean. They won’t care,” Cas mutters. “I hate this.”

Dean smiles but shakes his head. “You know the rules as well as I do. And you know what they’re going to take me for if we behave like we usually do.”

Is it possible that he can actually hear Cas grinding his teeth together? Because he’d swear that’s the exact sound.

“Fine. Though honestly, I’ve got no problem with them thinking you’re a hooker as long as it’s clear that you’re _my_ hooker and that I’ll kill them if they touch you.”

That startles a laugh out of Dean, enough actually, that he does look up at Cas. Who of course wears a smug smile of triumph.

And how can anyone be annoyed with that? “Just walk, Cas.”

“Bossy Omega,” Cas grins, but obediently turns around and keeps walking.

 

“This one,” Dean says, loud enough that Cas can hear when they’ve reached the building he remembers. It’s not called ‘Snappin’ Turtle’ anymore, it’s now called the ‘Shrimp and Net’. And wouldn’t Benny like that. He’s always had a weakness for marine themes. Well, Dean hopes he’s actually made it and fulfilled his dreams of getting out of this town and down to Louisiana. Strong Beta like him, he’d be welcome on any boat.

For a minute, the smell is almost blinding it’s so overwhelming. Spicy food, beer, smoke and humans of every designation. The Roadhouse smells well-scrubbed and clean in comparison, and Dean has to stop for a second because it’s dizzying.

Cas obviously isn’t quite as affected because he’s already moved further into the room. Dean keeps his eyes on the trench-coat, intent on catching up with his mate without bumping into any of the patrons. He doesn’t feel like getting groped tonight.

Then suddenly there’s a broad chest right in his line of view. He almost runs into it, actually. With a muttered curse about rude drunks, he swerves at the last moment and tries to sidestep the large figure when it holds out a hand to stop him.

“Brother? That you?”

The rumbling voice registers and Dean’s head snaps up. Broad shoulders to match the broad chest, a beard that shows first signs of gray, witty blue eyes that are currently wide with shock.

“Benny,” Dean stutters. It’s all he’s got time for before he finds himself wrapped in a bear-hug. It takes a moment but then he hugs back. Frikkin’ hell. This had always been Benny’s favorite place, but what are the odds of actually running into him?

Dean feels a nose at his neck and automatically lays his head to the side to let Benny scent him.

“You smell sweet, brother,” Benny remarks and tilts his own head to the side.

Dean doesn’t hesitate and deeply inhales Benny’s scent. He has no idea how he does it in Kansas City of all places, but the same smell of tang and seaweed that had always been part of Benny’s essence is still there. There’s something else, too, something new and more land-bound than the Benny he knew. It’s hard to tell, though, with Benny being a Beta and the smells of the room crowding into everything, so Dean has to lean back in to figure it out. “Did you get yourself mated?”

The second he says it, he remembers, oh fuck, Cas. Abruptly, he pushes out of Benny’s embrace. “Fuck, man, I came with my mate.”

Benny raises his eyebrows. “No worries, brother.” Then he turns away from Dean to scan the crowd.

It’s not hard to find Cas. He’s come back towards them but has only made it a few steps. He is staring at them shell-shocked. Dean feels the heat creep up into his face. He said he wouldn’t embarrass Cas tonight and now, both Cas and by the looks of it half of the patrons have watched Benny hug and scent him.

Benny seems to have no qualms about this, though. He looks Cas up and down. “You pull any crap in my bar, we ain’t gonna be friends. You hurt Dean, we’re gonna be enemies. And you don’t want that, whether you’re an Alpha or not.”

“Your bar?” The word grabs Dean’s attention in the middle of the stand-off.

“My bar,” Benny nods, sudden smile lighting up his features. “Would you have thought that, brother? That this place would be mine one day?”

“You serious?”

Benny shines with a pride that Dean isn’t used to from him. “Damn serious, brother. You better behave in here, too. I know all your tricks.”

Dean laughs delighted, mirroring Benny’s happiness like they’ve always done. “Those days are over, man, no worries. Here for the fun of it now. Though I can tell you, they don’t teach pack-Alpha’s any pool. It’s hard work getting him up to speed.”

Benny whistles through his teeth and looks back at Cas with renewed interest. “That’s a pack-Alpha?”

“Benny,” Dean smacks him on the arm, “be civil. That’s my mate Castiel Novak. Cas, this is Benny Lafitte. He and I used to – he’s an old friend.”

Cas makes no move forward to shake Benny’s hand but at least he’s also not snarling at him. But then, that might be due to the fact that he still looks dumb-struck. Benny on the other hand snickers at the description. “Never explained to your mate what you and I used to do, huh?”

Dean shrugs. “It wasn’t important anymore at the time I met him.”

“Ah, suit yourself, brother. But maybe at least tell him enough to stop him from getting sick. Cause he looks a bit green around the nose. There’s a corner table with a ‘booked’ sign. Go sit there. Beer?”

“For him,” Dean nods at his stock-still mate. Dean’s getting slightly worried here that Cas either turned into stone or into a volcano just waiting to erupt. “Soft drink for me.”

Benny’s eyebrows shoot up. Instead of asking, he leans in to scent at Dean’s neck again. Dean allows it, too. He knows what Benny’s looking for and also what he’s going to find.

“Fucking hell, brother.”

Dean snorts. “Not what we named her.”

“I gotta come by your table and hear that story. Soon as it gets a little calmer. Him, too,” he tilts his head towards Cas.

“Yeah, man, that’d be cool. I wanna know how all of this came about.” He makes an all-encompassing gesture, including the bar, the mating and whatever else there might be going on in Benny’s life.

“Patience, Chief. Patience. Never been one of your more pronounced features.” Benny claps him on the shoulder and makes his way back behind the bar, leaving Dean and Cas to stand in the middle of the crowded room, patrons angrily swerving past them because they’re pretty much blocking the way to the exit.

Dean watches his mate warily for a moment, then crowds into his space. Preemptively, he bares his throat to him. It should be enough to get some kind of reaction but it isn’t. “Uhh, Cas? Table in the corner? You’re the Alpha? You got to lead?”

He says it quietly, trying to shake him out of whatever place his mind went to without causing any commotion. But it doesn’t seem to register, so Dean gives in. He cups Cas’ cheek with his fingers, making him lock eyes with him. It takes another moment but then Cas blinks and whatever had been happening flits away and Cas’ consciousness is back.

Dean smiles at him, fleeting and tentative. He’s not even sure he’s ever mentioned Benny to Cas. So this whole exchange must have been a sucker punch for Cas. One that he probably felt physically like a punch, too. “We got a table in the corner, little Alpha,” Dean murmurs. “Lead us there?”

He nudges Cas in the right direction and lets go off him. He’s coming off pushy and borderline-indecent as is, the way he’s almost pressing himself into Cas. But Cas obviously doesn’t care about decency because tries to regain his inner balance by catching Dean’s hand and holding it tight. Tighter than is strictly comfortable, actually. Since Dean’s willing to follow him without coercion, it’s either that Cas tries to assert for himself that Dean is still all his or that he wants to drag him out of the bar and away from the competition. Dean bites his lips, makes sure to stay still and wait for Cas’ decision. It would suck, meeting Benny only to be pulled away, but Cas is mate, mate is priority. And it’s Dean’s own fault for never mentioning Benny and dragging Cas along without warning. But then, Dean hadn’t actually expected Benny to be here. In any case, he’s not going to aggravate this and he’s not going to make a scene.

Maybe Cas feels his compliance, his resolve to follow his Alpha’s lead, because he abruptly turns and starts picking his way towards the corner table. He never lets go of Dean’s hand, keeps him much closer than tradition in this state commands. Dean keeps his eyes on the floor, though he can’t keep from baring his teeth at the stares that he can feel following them. Fucking corn states. He’s completely forgotten how exhausting it is to navigate them.

It’s only when they’re sitting, Dean taking the corner space, tucked mostly out of sight, and Cas glaring at everyone in the vicinity before settling in, and even then making himself a little broader than he usually would to shelter them from prying eyes, that Dean relaxes a bit.

“Thanks, Cas,” he mumbles because he’s pretty sure that without Cas’ posturing there would already have been one or two approaches that they’d both dislike.

“Open the collar of your flannel,” Cas says flatly.

“What?”

“Just a button or two. You’re wearing a shirt under, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Then do it,” Cas instructs and works on his own collar, too. He smooths it down a bit and, ah okay, Dean gets what Cas is doing. He quickly opens the top buttons of his shirt and makes sure that his mating bite is clearly visible.

“Good thinking,” he nods. Because if there’s one thing that’s consistent about the rural states it’s that they agree on the sanctity of marriage. Out in public anyway. Dean’s not sure he wants to know what happens behind closed doors.

Once they’re settled, risk for outside interference minimized, Cas goes back to staring at Dean. There’s intent behind it now, none of the outer space vibe he gave off before. It’s not necessarily making anything better. Dean feels the pressure to lower his head against his mate’s glare, to silently submit or possibly grovel until he’s happy again. But that’s not how they work, and he isn’t sure it would have the desired effect, either. He’s got a feeling this will have to be done the hard way. By actually explaining it.

“Umm, so have I ever told you about Benny?” Dean asks and rubs his neck.

Cas shakes his head, “You really haven’t.” There’s both a growl and a note of suspicion in his voice.

This time, Dean lowers his eyes and makes himself smaller. Cas’ scent is not electric lightning storm level of upset, but it’s definitely sharp. “Benny’s a Beta, Cas,” he mutters. “I know you don’t know him but there’s no need for this. You’ve never had a problem with me hugging Betas before.” It’s more than a bit defensive, and yeah, those other Betas have been people Cas knows. That Cas is sure have no allure to Dean. While Benny… Benny might be a Beta but between his stature and his self-assured demeanor, it’s hard to tell him from an Alpha on first glance.

“You let him scent you!” Cas accuses, scent suddenly ten times more pungent.

Dean shrinks back against it. He has no idea how to defend himself against this. Because, well, he did, and it didn’t even cross his mind to step away like he’d do when Sam tries that shit. It’s the way he and Benny have always been. “I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t think about it. Benny’s a friend. Was a good friend once. I trust him.”

Apparently, that explanation is not making anything better because there’s a layer of bristly heat and smoking wood in Cas’ scent now that is only one step from bursting into fire, so Dean shuts up quickly, berating himself for letting this happen. He had wanted this to be a nice night for them, a date night out of the house, no dying dads, no pack business, nothing to worry about for once. And now it looks like it’s going to end in one of the worst fights they’ve ever had.

“Please, Cas,” he begs quietly. “He’s an old friend, nothing more. We can go.” He wants to reach out to his mate, to calm him down physically, but he isn’t sure that it is wanted right now. So he collects his hands in his lap and stares at them instead.

Benny chooses this moment to show up with their drinks. “Ginger Ale for you, Chief, and something with a bit more punch for your man.” He puts the beer and a shot glass in front of Cas. “Double shot of whiskey. The good stuff. On the house. You look like you need it.”

He claps Cas on the shoulder, not caring about the way Cas rips himself away from the touch.

“I’ll be by later. Once you’ve sorted this out. If you need anything, just holler.”

Dean has the distinct feeling that the last part is said only to him. “Thanks, Benny,” he mumbles without looking up.

As soon as Benny’s left the table, Cas goes straight for the whiskey and downs it.

Dean watches it through his lashes. Cas is not a heavy drinker and he doesn’t even like whiskey. “Does that make you feel better?” Dean asks softly once the glass has hit the table again.

“No,” Cas replies bluntly. “Answer me honestly, Dean. Did you plan this?”

And that makes Dean raise his head after all. “What? No!”

“Because you were damn insistent on coming here.”

“Because it was my favorite hangout back in the day. I wanted to show it to you!”

“But you were ready to go alone. Did you actually want to go alone from the beginning?”

“What the fuck, Cas?” Dean takes a deep breath and forces himself to keep his voice down. He hisses, “Of course I didn’t. I baited you into coming. Like I do whenever you’re being a couch-potato.”

“You sure? This is a random meeting?”

“Yes! I didn’t even know Benny was still in town, let alone that he owns the place. Sam and I left without a goodbye and without looking back.”

“That didn’t look like it, to tell you the truth,” Cas bites.

“Smell me then. You know my scent better than anyone. I’m not lying. I would have told you if I still had contact with someone from the past. How does is even make sense for me to lie about this? Wouldn’t it be easier for me to tell you and ask if I wanted to meet an old friend? Not to mention that it’d also avoid all of this,” he throws his hands up in a defeated gesture and then buries his face in his hands. This is so not how he wanted this evening to go.

“You let him _scent_ you. Like it was the most normal thing in the world. You never let anyone but me scent you. I ask you again, why have you never mentioned him?”

Dean closes his eyes for a moment and runs his hands through his hair. Of course he knows why he’s never mentioned Benny. Because he’s downplayed his less than honest means to come by money in his youth. In the beginning of their relationship, he didn’t want to scare Cas off. No one wants to marry a conman, do they? And it wasn’t him anymore, anyway. Later, the topic hadn’t come up, the focus when talking about his past much more on his Dad and much less on the practical issues that came with it.

“Cas,” Dean starts hesitantly, “Benny was my partner in crime. When I needed money and Dad wasn’t available.” He’s told Cas that, that their Dad sometimes left them for long stretches at a time and Dean had to see where he’d get the money to pay for their food or their rent or Sammy’s books. “We had a range of things we’d do. Neither of us was above petty theft. But mostly, we’d hustle pool. I know you think I say that as a joke, but that really is why I play so well. Cause I conned Alphas in places like this.”

Cas has the emotionless look down to a tee and his scent is not calming down. But is that because he is shocked that Dean’s pretty much a criminal or because he’s still upset about Benny? It makes Dean fidgety that he can’t tell.

“I didn’t do anything in your pack. Not once. You got to believe me,” he pleads.

“Our pack,” Cas corrects quietly.

Dean lets out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “Our pack,” he nods. His smile turns out shakier than planned, but yeah, that correction is a good sign. He leans forward a little, closer into his mate’s space. “Cas, Benny is protective of me because it was his job. An Alpha tried to fuck me up after I’d won fair and square, Benny would come in and state his claim on me. In a bar, not standing too close, with the right kind of aftershave and me in his arms, they all took him for my Alpha. And we made sure we’d target only the ones that didn’t look like they wanted to get into a fight with a 200 pound guy.”

“State his claim on you,” Cas says tonelessly. He looks like he just got punched again, goddammit.

“Which he obviously didn’t have. Not for real,” Dean quickly amends. He really needs to work on his wording.

“So you two haven’t – you don’t have history?” Cas asks, scent suddenly shifting from bristly suspicion to a downpour of hurt and anxiety.

It doesn’t make Dean any happier. “We’ve only ever been friends if that’s what you want to know. And not friends with benefits, either.”

“Though you always smelled damn nice, brother. Don’t think I’d have refused the offer, had you ever asked.” Benny sits himself down, beer in hand.

“Fuck you, Benny,” Dean growls frustrated because he was just making a little headway with Cas and this is not helping.

“Obviously not. That was the whole point of your speech, wasn’t it?” Benny grins easily.

Dean curbs his impulse to punch Benny. “Give my mate a break, man. He doesn’t know you.”

“He the jealous type, huh? Don’t like no one else touching you?”

“I’m sitting right here,” Cas growls, scent back to bristly.

“He’s got no reason to be jealous.”

“True,” Benny nods and draws his collar down to show his mating bite to Cas.

“Yeah, man, I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about him not having a reason to be jealous, period.” Dean rolls his eyes. “In case you haven’t noticed,” he draws his own collar down even further, though his mating bite was obvious before.

“Duly noted. And then there’s you having a pup and everything. Still floored about that. Didn’t peg you for the family type. What with your old man being all screwed up, and you always saying Sammy was enough hassle for one life.” Benny throws a suspicious glance towards Cas, like he thinks Cas might usually have Dean locked up in the house to breed him.

Dean has already gone through this argument with his actual brother, he doesn’t need to go through it again. “Jesus, Benny, do you think we’d still be talking if Cas was _that_ type of Alpha?”

This time, Benny levels Cas with a longer stare. “Yeah, we would still be talking, brother,” he says evenly.

“Benny, man,” Dean sighs, “don’t. Just don’t.”

“Why? You telling me you _changed_?”

Dean snorts. “Fuck yeah, I changed. And I don’t just mean my tummy getting flabbier over the years.”

“So you’re a demure homemaker now and aren’t the Omega anymore who can take on three Alphas at a pool table and get away with it?” Benny challenges.

“Benny, brother, bravery and desperation are not the same.” Because Benny makes this sound like Dean’s some kind of badass who takes on the world. Which he never was. He did what it took to keep his brother safe, whether it was pretending to be brazen when he was scared, or making himself small and pleading when that was going to do the trick. He had to do plenty of both back then.

“You sure about that, Dean? You always seemed pretty damn brave to me.”

“You were there to bail me out,” Dean shrugs.

“That I was, brother,” Benny nods amiably and holds up his beer for them to drink to it.

Dean clinks against it with his Ginger Ale, then waits for Cas to do the same.

“You can stow your jealousy, man. I’ve never been more than the big spoon to Dean’s little spoon,” Benny smirks.

“Shut up, Benny,” Dean groans, and sets his bottle back on the table. Benny is intentionally irking Cas. Trying to figure out whether he will be provoked into violence, Dean guesses. But Dean already knows that Cas is a good mate who doesn’t hurt him. And he’d rather not have Cas go through more shit than he already went through this week.

But of course it’s too late for that. Cas squints suspiciously. “So you’ve shared a bed?”

“Yes,” Dean sighs because lying to Cas is not an option. “I was a kid, okay? It was winter, he was warm.”

“Right, brother, you just tell yourself that,” Benny snickers.

Dean throws up his hands in defeat. It doesn’t matter what he says from here on out. He can only dig himself in deeper. “Cas, if you want to end this, end this. I’ll follow you home and not look back. But for the record, it really was just that. Sharing a bed because it was cold. Utilities are a precarious concept when you have no mother and your father’s a drunk.” So what if Benny was the first guy he’d ever trusted enough to actually fall asleep next to. To let wrap an arm around his waist and tug him close. Because fuck’s sake, Dean had been warm and safe those nights. That had happened rarely enough.

“I’m riling you, brother, that’s all,” Benny appeases. “I’ve missed you. Never quite found anyone else who gets me like you do.”

Dean looks over at Cas instead of answering, waiting whether he wants to interfere, but Cas shrugs and takes another sip from his beer. And while he is a long way away from happy, he also doesn’t look like he’s going to go for Benny’s throat. If anything, he looks and smells calmer than before. So Dean feels it’s safe to turn back to his friend. “What about your mate?”

“Andrea,” Benny nods. “Proper Beta-girl. Older than you, more towards my age. She came up from Mississippi. Was travelling through. Guess she’s not anymore.”

It sounds gruff like almost everything Benny says, but there’s warmth there, too. Benny’s always been kind-hearted and loyal. If he’s got himself mated, he had a reason. “How long have you two been together?”

“Couple of years.”

“Yeah, us too. Pups?”

“Not yet. How many do you have?”

“Just the one. Mary. She’s half a year now. My brother and his fiancée are taking care of her tonight.”

“Sam’s in town, too?”

Dean’s eyebrows rise. “You didn’t hear? Our old man fell down the stairs. Managed to kill himself.” Plus minus a few machines in the hospital anyway.

“Sorry about that,” Benny says.

“It was a long time coming.” Really what else can he say? They haven’t found the energy to mourn between themselves, he doesn’t find it now.

“Guess you’re not wrong.” Benny looks at him thoughtfully before saying, “Thought for a long time you were dead, too. Could have given me a call to let me know you’re still breathing.”

The guilt stabs like a knife. But it’s not like he hasn’t had this argument in his head before. At least a thousand times. “Couldn’t risk it, Benny. John knew you. And he was a hunter. It was better that you knew nothing.” It’s not the whole truth. The other half of the truth is that Dean had needed to cut all ties. That he couldn’t risk giving himself the opportunity to run back to a protector because he might have taken it. And that would have been entirely unfair to Benny.

“He knew me alright. Came looking for me, too. Thought I was hiding you. Smashed a few things. Was a strong bastard back then, your Dad. Before the liver did him in.”

There’s an additional layer of guilt there, for his Dad coming after Benny, even if Benny is shrugging it off. Instead of focusing on it, Dean asks. “So you’ve heard about the liver?”

“Everyone’s heard about that. Your brother’s made a valuable effort and called every pub in a three mile radius to get them to stop selling alcohol to him. That’s how I knew you had made it.”

“He didn’t mention you.” Or calling pubs at all for that matter.

Benny shrugs. “Don’t think he ever knew my last name when he was a kid. You kept me away from him, remember? Didn’t think you’d appreciate him and me mixing now, so I kept my trap shut. Made sure to keep him on the line until he mentioned you, though. Wanted to know you were alright.”

“In case you’re wondering, the guilt trip is working,” Dean groans. “And you could have told him. Sammy’s a big boy. Going to Stanford and everything. He can deal.”

“Yeah, I saw the area code. Was wondering about that. You down in Cali, too?”

“No, man, no beaches and eternal sunshine for me. Got to admit that I like actual seasons, though. And I like our pack.” He smiles bashfully.

“ _Our_ pack?” Benny asks.

“Our pack,” Cas confirms. The challenge in his eyes is clear, even though the knowledge that, yes, Benny’s indeed a Beta and no competition for Dean’s affection seems to have sunken in. There’s still animosity in his scent, but none of the earlier flare of temper and jealousy.

“Good for you,” Benny grumbles. “I have no patience for knotheads.”

“So I’ve noticed,” Cas answers evenly, though the punch in his scent is potent. “You should take the time to determine whether someone is a knothead before threatening them. Not everyone suffers that quite as peacefully as me.”

Benny’s eyebrows rise. “You think you’re gonna take me in my own bar, you’re mistaken, _Alpha_.”

Cas clucks his tongue in irritation, and Dean lays a hand on Cas’ knee under the table. “Come on, Benny,” he says. “Since when do you stoop to name-calling?”

“Last I heard it was a title.”

“Yeah, and you used it as an insult. You’re not calling me _Omega_ , either, right? Cause I’ve got a name. So does he.” Dean keeps his voice low but there’s a hard edge to it.

“Well, in that case,” Benny fishes his phone out of his pocket and slides it over to Dean, “ _Cas_ won’t have a problem with you giving me your number, will he, brother?” He keeps his eyes on Cas, challenging him right back.

Dean wishes they could do this without him being stuck in the middle. But then, his loyalties are clear. He doesn’t reach for the phone, instead he turns to Cas. “Tell me honestly if you’ve got a problem with this. I don’t need to give Benny my number. We were good friends once and I’m happy he’s doing well for himself. But if this sucks for you, I’m saying my goodbyes and not looking back.”

The look Cas gives him is inscrutable before slowly turning into something that approaches a smile, albeit not a happy one. He folds his hand over Dean’s, not caring that it’s on the table and in plain sight. “You’ve had too many goodbyes without looking back in your life, Dean. You don’t need to add to that.”

For the first time since they’ve come in here, everything but the honey drains out of Cas’ smell, Dean’s happiness suddenly all that’s important to him.

Dean blushes and ducks his head. God, he should be used to this, it’s been years after all. But when Cas is so unabashed in his affection, it always makes him feel all warm and tingly inside. He leans forward to press a quick kiss to Cas’ lips. By conservative standards, they’re making a spectacle of themselves, but he doesn’t care, he has to show Cas how much he appreciates him.

Cas’ eyes are soft when they draw apart. “Come on, go ahead,” he encourages him and squeezes Dean’s hand one last time before letting go.

“You sure?” Dean asks.

“I’ve never tried to control who you’re friends with and I will not start now,” Cas says decisively.

“That’s not what this is about,” Dean shakes his head. “Don’t you get it, Cas? It’s not about you telling me what to do, it’s about me making sure you’re happy.”

Possibly, the wave of honey is even sweeter than the one before, and this time, it’s Cas whose cheeks turn a slight pink. “You make me happy, Dean.”

“Even when you’re sitting in a Cajun bar that you never wanted to go to in the first place, far away from your own territory and getting insulted by a random Southern Beta?” Dean asks with a sly smile.

Cas rolls his eyes but the honey doesn’t waver. “He’s hardly a _random_ Beta, is he? I’m not dense, Dean. I know why he’s doing it. He’s making sure that I’m not violent against you. I can appreciate the thought, if not the actual act. And yes, you always make me happy.”

Cas nods at the phone, so Dean picks it up and opens the contacts. He quickly types both their home number and his cell phone number before handing the phone back to Benny.

Something has changed in Benny’s eyes when he looks at Dean this time. But he doesn’t comment, just pockets the phone. “When’s the funeral?”

“Tomorrow at 11, with the local funeral parlor up by the church. Won’t be anyone but Sam, his mate and the two of us.”

“And me and Andrea. I’ll call a few of John’s hunter buddies, too. They’re the closest to friends he’s had, after all. And we can all come back here for the funeral party.”

“You don’t have to, man. It’s not like you and the old man got along particularly well.”

“I ain’t doing it for him. Funeral’s for the living, not the dead, brother.”

He guesses Benny is right on that one. “Thank you.”

Benny nods. “I got to get back to work. Table 2 is free. In case you want to play pool.” He taps on the table as goodbye, takes his beer and is gone.

For a long moment, they sit quietly. Then Cas asks, “So, do you still want to play?”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “You up for that? Thought for sure you’d want to go home.”

Cas shrugs. “We haven’t really gotten around to the date part of this evening yet, and there’s no emergency calls. So I say, we play.”

Dean looks at Cas for a moment. There’s a determined line around his mouth that doesn’t bode well. “What are you planning?”

Cas blinks innocently but between his disgust with conservative traditions and his flare of jealousy, Dean can see where this is going.

“You’re planning on giving them a show, aren’t you?”

“I plan on being myself,” Cas states resolutely.

“You plan on giving them a show,” Dean confirms his own suspicions. Well, it’s not the first time Dean has given Alphas a show, even though it’s been a while. “You're bailing me out if shit hits the fan, right?”

“Shit will _not_ hit the fan.”

And there he is, the self-assured pack-Alpha who feels comfortable in his skin and his role. He’s been absent in this city so far but the minute he decided to rebel and be himself, he’s found firm ground on foreign territory.

Cas holds out his hand to Dean. Dean’s smile is somewhere between fond and exasperated, but this is a better outcome than seemed possible for a while there, so he takes Cas’ hand and holds his head high.

 

They’re the talk of the house, and it would be easier to shake it off if he was allowed alcohol. As it is, they have a big plate of fried shrimps, courtesy of Benny, and a decent area in which to move without anyone interrupting, courtesy of Cas’ death glare. If anything, the circle of free space makes the million stares more noticeable, though.

Cas stops short of openly making out with Dean, but that’s about it. He asks Dean to physically guide him when showing him the techniques, even with stuff that Dean is positive Cas knows already. When Cas turns his head to ask Dean a question while he is leaning over the pool table, ass sticking out, it’s clear to Dean that he never needed to worry about embarrassing Cas. He should have worried about Cas approaching an outing in a conservative town like a social justice battle.

“I think I’m still not getting it, how am I supposed to approach this shot again? Show me!”

It’s uncanny, how much Cas’ attitude resembles Gabriel’s when he sets his mind to it. Actually, it’s more than a bit irritating. Not enough to keep Dean from draping himself over Cas, though, leaning in a little more than necessary so that he can mutter in his ear, “If you don’t fight off everyone who offers you money to rent me out for the night, Cas, I swear…”

Cas chuckles and goes back to ‘accidentally’ misadjusting his cue. Dean corrects him deftly. “Of course you’re completely aware that if this wasn’t Benny’s bar we’d have gotten thrown out already, right?”

“If there’s advantages to meeting old friends, why not use them?” Cas answers drily and actually manages to make a pretty decent shot.

“You’re not hopeless at this. Whenever you concentrate on the game,” Dean snickers. “Also, what happened to ‘but you married a respectable pack-Alpha’?”

“I remember it being you who lured me here by stressing the perks of playing pool. “

“Yeah, but you’re not using this as an opportunity to admire the view. You’re using it as a stage for a protest,” Dean points out. “And you’re not subtle about it.”

“Well, it’s not like you haven’t used pool to undermine gender stereotypes before. So I can use it to point out how silly the behavioral rules are.”

“Cas,” Dean isn’t sure whether to laugh or cry about this, “for one, I think your form of protest is mostly providing images for everyone’s spank bank, and two, you got that whole story wrong. I was desperate, not protesting the state of the world.”

“You exploited gender stereotypes about Omegas for monetary gain. Actually, you used gender stereotypes about Alphas, too. Otherwise, Mr. Lafitte wouldn’t have been able to help you out.”

Dean guesses that’s true enough, but, “The goal wasn’t social justice, though. The goal was not to send Sam to school hungry.”

“Why did you trust him? Mr. Lafitte, I mean.”

It’s a good question and not one that he can answer in one sentence. So he stops planning his approach for the next shot and leans his back against the pool table instead. “I didn’t. Not in the beginning. He lived two streets down from us. Saved my ass from a couple of Alphas at the corner next to the church one day. I shoved him into a wall for his efforts. Then he caught me getting a five finger discount at the local grocery store and didn’t rat me out.” Dean shrugs. “The neighborhood isn’t that big. I needed backup. Someone who was of age. I got thrown out on my own. But no one cares about an underage Omega in a bar when he’s got a legal Alpha next to him.”

“So you proposed a deal to Mr. Lafitte.”

Dean nods. “He protected me and we split our profits. Benny was a good choice, too. Didn’t let me down once. Even asked me to go to Louisiana with him. He always wanted to work on a boat. Told him that he was crazy. That I couldn’t because of Sammy, and that I was never going to get hired on a boat anyway. Cause Omegas are bad luck on a ship and stuff. He laughed and told me not to worry. Said he’d set me and my brother up in an apartment and we could stay landlubbers while he earned our keep.” It still floors him even today, that Benny would have been willing to do that for them.

“But you didn’t.”

“Course I didn’t.” Dean knows his smile is edgy but at least it’s mostly a smile. “I gotta pull my weight. And I couldn’t keep him from getting all of this, could I now?” He sweeps his hands through the air in an all-encompassing gesture. Then he turns back to the table, intent on leaving this particular topic behind and instead making his next shot.

But he hasn’t even found his aim yet when Cas’ arms wrap around him from behind. Dean is taut, too aware of all the eyes on them. At the same time, this touch isn’t for show. This is Cas honest to God attempt to soothe all the old hurts that the day has brought to the forefront of Dean’s mind. So Dean gives himself a moment to relax back into Cas’ embrace, before straightening up and away. He puts his cue down. They won’t find the kind of comfort they crave while out in public. “What do you say, we’ll call it a draw and head back?”

“There’s only two of your balls left, and five of mine,” Cas points out.

“Which for you is a draw,” Dean grins. “Come on, Cas, wanna hold you for real. Can’t do that here.”

That’s all the incentive Cas needs to get moving. But to Dean’s surprise, he beelines for the bar on their way out.

Benny is drawing beer but he sees them immediately. “You heading home?”

Dean nods. “Yeah. It’s been a long day.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, brother,” Benny smiles and turns to Cas. “You, too. Get him home safely.”

“Of course,” Cas replies with an answering incline of his head.

 

They make it out of the bar and onto the street with barely an incident. There’s a few guys trying to grope Dean but even with his eyes low, he sees them coming and twists away before they can do anything. The couple of guys whose steps are turned towards Cas stop before they ever reach him. His death glare is still working, then. Dean checks back a few times once they’re outside but it doesn’t seem like anyone is following them. It’s mostly paranoia anyway. As a mated Omega with his Alpha by his side, people aren’t going to try shit the way they did when he was alone. It’s a good thing that Cas has made sure that everyone sees their mating bites. People are going to be careful. ‘Sanctity of marriage’ protects even the inappropriate couple from out of town.

The others are in bed when they finally come in. They don’t turn on the lights, though Dean stumbles through the dark to find the baby phone on the living room table. No need for Sam and Jess to be woken up if Mary cries. Sam half-wakes, mumbling something incoherent and Dean pulls the blanket back over his brother where it had fallen off, the movement one that he hasn’t done in years but still familiar. “Sleep, Sammy,” he mumbles. “One more night and then we’re leaving this shithole behind forever.” He’s said the exact same thing to him before.

Cas is checking on Mary by the time Dean comes to the bedroom but of course Dean has to check that everything is alright with his daughter, too. She is sleeping peacefully, wrapped in her blanket, her bunny by her side. So, hippie-Alphas aren’t half-bad as babysitters, who would have thought.

They undress quietly, lost in their own thoughts. There is a funeral they have to attend tomorrow, and seeing that Benny said he’d come and that they can have the party at his bar, Dean’s probably going to have some explaining to do. He’s not sure explaining this to Sam will be any easier than explaining it to Cas. Yeah, Cas had the additional jealousy factor, but Sam’s going to throw a hissy fit about having been lied to. Which Dean has no answer for. Benny is not the only thing in his life he hasn’t told Sam about, and pulling at this string might unravel a whole lot of others. In a way, it would have been easier if Benny had already told Sam that he was friends with Dean. He could have made it sound more inconspicuous than Dean will manage. And Dean would have had a chance to explain over the phone, where he can downplay and evade without his scent getting in the way. Ah, fuck.

It’s too late now and all the worrying in the world will not change a thing. And while he’s bad at shutting his thoughts off on his own, he knows someone who can reliably crowd out every worry that Dean has. At least for a while. How lucky for him that he’s sharing a bed with said person.

Dean crawls under the covers and immediately moves into Cas’ space. He has told him he wants to hold him for real, but even then he knew that that wasn’t all that he wanted. So much shitty stuff has happened in the past few days and Dean’s had to fight regressing into old habits the whole goddamn time. And even the pub, good as it had been to meet Benny, was a dive back into a world that he’s left behind.

All of this is hitting somewhat too close, and he needs the reality of his new life to hold onto. The reality of his beautiful mate, who loves him and cares for him. Who doesn’t force him to be someone he isn’t. Who wants him to be happy.

“Please, little Alpha,” Dean whispers and slides his hands over Cas’ body to make clear what he’s asking for.

“But Mary’s in here with us,” Cas whispers back, even though Dean can feel how his back arches into Dean’s touch, starved for contact the same as Dean is.

“Please, Cas,” Dean insists. “We can be quiet. Just need to feel you. Need to know -”, ‘my place’ is what he wants to say but he realizes how that’s going to sound before the words are out of his mouth. He doesn’t mean it that way but he’s not sure Cas is going to understand. That all he wants to say is that his place is with Cas. Not in this city, not with Benny, not in the past. “Need to feel that I’m yours,” he amends. “Need you.”

That’s all it takes. Cas winds a hand into Dean’s hair, hauling him in for a kiss before pushing at Dean until he has the space to shove their boxers out of the way. “Turn over,” he growls.

It sparks the heat in Dean’s belly as surely as a lighter held to a candle starts a flame and he hurries to obey.

Cas drapes himself over Dean and then the blanket over the both of them. He pushes Dean’s legs apart. He’s a touch rougher, a touch more possessive than normal, and Dean craves it. He bucks back into Cas, trying to get him to hurry, desperate to feel him inside. But Dean also knows that Cas won’t let himself be hurried, at least not to the point where he isn’t sure they’re both ready. It doesn’t take long, though, and then there’s the steady pressure of Cas pushing in. Dean tries to keep his gasp quiet as his body stretches to accommodate his mate, and he can hear Cas trying to do the same.

“Move, Cas, please,” Dean asks, even though his body hasn’t quite adjusted to the intrusion yet. But he wants to feel the slight sting that comes with too much, too fast. Wants to feel it deep inside him that he belongs to his mate and no one else. Wants the pain and the pleasure to burn out the residual feeling of the cornfields closing in and the walls of the city swallowing him whole.

There’s no verbal answer but Cas quickly builds a rhythm. It’s shallow and fast, punching gasps and grunts out of Dean that he muffles in his pillow.

It takes what is probably a few minutes but feels like an eternity for Dean’s body to get with the program and follow Cas’ lead. For the tension to bleed away into the knowledge of _mate_. For his senses to readjust and focus on Cas and Cas only, and for his muscles to go pliant. It’s a submission of sorts, too. Not to a will that bends his, but to a truth of belonging that goes deeper than any display of being a good Omega that he can give by lowering his eyes in public. His heart beats in the rhythm of _Cas_ and _mate_ and the rest of the world fades away until there is only them and the love that links them.

It’s over faster than he would like, the world returning when they’re both panting away their high, Cas still anchored inside him. Dean knows that the physical is merely an expression of what is always in his heart. But it still makes him feel stronger. More centered and more like himself than he’s felt all day. Or all week.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, sleep already tugging at him.

“I love you.” The answer is followed by a kiss over the mating bite that Dean only notices dimly as he gives in to the pull of the black void of sleep.

 

The next morning, everyone is tense. Sam huffs disapprovingly when they show up, scents of the night still clinging to them. Dean shoves Mary into his brother’s arms and disappears into the bathroom for a shower.

Cas slips in a few seconds after him, looking more disheveled than usual. He also looks like his lower lip is swollen.

“What did you do?” Dean asks and gestures to the wound while stripping down for his shower.

“Had to keep quiet, didn’t I?” Cas sighs and leans forward to inspect the damage in the mirror.

“So you bit your lip hard enough to bleed?” Dean asks disbelievingly.

Cas shrugs. “I’d bleed a lot more than that for you, Dean.”

“Silly Alpha,” Dean huffs. “You’re not supposed to bleed at all.” He gives Cas a soft make-it-better kiss on the cheek and steps into the shower.

Jess not really being up for breakfast isn’t new to anyone, but today neither Dean nor Sam do much more than pushing a piece of toast around their plates, either. Cas quietly assumes authority when he notices that neither of the others is up for it.

They have to thank him for making it to the funeral home in time, wearing their Sunday best and even having a flower wrath with them to put in front of the casket. They’ve opted for a closed casket, mostly because they thought they’d be the only people attending anyway, and they remember how their father looks dead.

But now, there are a few people milling around the room. The guests give them a moment to lay down their wrath, but then they start coming up one by one, unerringly moving towards Sam and dismissing Dean. All but one that is.

There is a familiarity to the older black guy who cuts straight across to them. Dean tries to place him with his father but he can’t. He looks like a hunter in his leather jacket that can hide all kinds of weapons, so he probably is. When he comes closer, the distinct smell of booze complements the impression, though it’s not the sour smell that his Dad was always surrounded by. His drinking is under control.

“Cas,” the Beta nods in greeting, lowering his head deferentially for a second, “and Dean. Sorry for your loss.”

Dean frowns, confused.

“Rufus Turner,” Cas says surprised. “I didn’t expect you here.”

“And to be completely honest, I thought about not coming, knowing that you were here. But while John wasn’t exactly a friend, he was one of us. And he’s saved my ass a couple of times. Back in the day when he still had it in him to save anyone’s ass.”

“Bobby Singer’s,” Dean blurts out because he suddenly remembers where he has seen Rufus before. At the garage, not with his Dad.

“Who is an actual friend,” Rufus nods. “And who I hope I’m not getting in trouble by showing up here.”

Cas regards him silently for a moment. “I was aware that Bobby Singer consorts with hunters every so often. And I had my suspicions that you’re one of them. I don’t necessarily approve but as long as you don’t bring your work into my town, I will not hinder your relations.”

“Ah, Bobby would kick my ass before you could, no worries.”

“Did you know?” Dean asks. “You saw me at the garage. Did you know?”

“Winchester isn’t a common name, kid. And you’d told Bobby enough about your past to put two and two together. But I ain’t one to meddle in other people’s business. And your Pops wasn’t the sharing type. He never even mentioned the two of you had gone missing.” Rufus shrugs. “Figured you could have done worse for yourself than a job at Bobby’s.”

“We’re having a funeral party at the ‘Shrimp and Net’ after this. You’re welcome to come,” Cas says.

“Won’t be much of a party, I fear. John’s had a knack to chase off friends and family alike. But I’ll come,” Rufus nods and turns around to find himself a seat.

Benny is also there by now, a dark haired female Beta that must be Andrea by his side. He nods at them and Dean nods back, giving his friend a fleeting smile. They move towards Sam and Jess, too, while the first of the other guests now hit them after they’ve told Sam their condolences.

It turns out that they’re all his Dad’s elderly neighbors. It also turns out that they’re impeccable in their manners, addressing only Cas and ignoring Dean completely. Not that he minds. He keeps half a step behind Cas, Mary’s stroller a shield between him and the mourners, and lets Cas handle the old crones while keeping an unobtrusive eye on Benny and his brother.

It’s hard to tell from their body language what’s going on. Benny is not deferring to him any more than he did to Cas, but then, Sam probably doesn’t care. Benny is gesturing in Dean’s direction at some point, so he’s telling him they’re friends. Cas hadn’t told Sam and Jess much more than that they found a place to hold the funeral party at, leaving out everything personal. Dean didn’t get a chance to talk to him about the why, but whatever it was, the genie is out of the bottle now.

“Dean?”

Cas’ voice brings him back from his observations. The elderly neighbors are gone, having found their own place towards the back of the hall.

“Want to sit down?”

“Yeah,” Dean nods.

They take the outside seats of the first row, leaving the place to the middle to Sam and Jess. Dean takes Mary out of her stroller since she’s waking up anyway. He’s got a feeling that he’s going to use her as a strategic excuse to get out of the ceremony at some point.

Sam and Jess are now talking to the priest who is a part of the standard package the funeral home offers. He’s even more conservative than the crones, Dean thinks, when he notices how the priest’s forehead crinkles in disdain when he notices that Jessica is Sam’s mate. The priest nods over towards where Cas and Dean are sitting, Sam explaining the rest of the family Dean guesses.

Cas’ hand is on Dean’s knee then, squeezing for a second before letting go. “Breathe, Dean.”

“Sorry,” Dean mumbles. “Bet he wishes he could ban Mary and me into a fenced-in area somewhere in the back.”

“Well, he’d have to ban me right with you.”

“Not how it works, Cas.”

Cas grumbles something that sounds suspiciously like blasphemy, and then the priest is already going to the front and the rest of the small assembly is sitting down.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted,” the priests starts and he has pretty much lost Dean from there, though he still follows the words if with an ever more tightly set jaw.

The priest leads them through the first prayer. Dean bows his head and mumbles the words as well as he remembers. Cas doesn’t even keep appearances up that much, his lips a tight and unmoving line.

And that is before the priest ever makes it to talking about the blessedness of John’s union with Mary, resulting in both Alpha and Omega offspring, and somehow ends up quoting marriage scripture. “Omegas, submit to your Alphas as to the Lord. For the Alpha is the head of the Omega as the Savior is the head of the church. Now as the church submits to the Savior, so also Omegas should submit to their Alphas in everything. However, each one of you Alphas must also love your Omega, and the Omega must respect his Alpha.”

It’s a slight at Sammy, most likely, at his unholy union with another Alpha, but Dean thinks he’s gritting his teeth loud enough for everyone to hear.

Abruptly, Cas leans over and swoops Mary out of Dean’s arms, “She needs a diaper change.”

“Cas!” Dean hisses.

But his mate’s already got the diaper bag and smiles apologetically without looking at anyone while he leaves the room.

Dean feels the glare of the priest, who is obviously unimpressed with the interruption. Dean turns his eyes towards the ground and folds his hands in his lap. The priest’s voice is harsher still than it was before, but at least he continues.

The minutes pass and Cas doesn’t come back. Dean fidgets nervously in his chair. The priest has gone on to a stern lecture about the sins of the flesh. It is unclear what he abhors more, John and his drinking, or Sam and his queer relationship. But it is clear that the Winchesters are not his favorites. Dean hopes that doesn’t mean that Cas is. It’s probably not a good sign if your mate is the favorite of the Unified Alpha Church priest.

With an apologetic glance towards Sam, Dean jumps up. Eyes firmly on the ground he follows his mate outside. Where the hell is he? Mary didn’t need anything, and he can’t possibly plan on hiding for the whole service.

“Can I help you, Sir?”

Dean looks halfway up. The funeral director’s assistant, he thinks. A scrawny youngster who is nicer than the rest of them, even tucking on the polite ‘Sir’ where his boss has yet to acknowledge Dean’s existence.

“Uhh, have you by any chance seen my mate? A dark haired Alpha carrying a little girl.”

“I believe so, Sir,” the assistant says. “I’ve led him to the sitting room. It’s where we bring people who break down during a funeral. I can show you.”

“Thanks, that would be great,” Dean mumbles.

He’s being led into a medium-sized room. It’s furnished with a few couches and a low table. There’s at least three individual tissue boxes. And an Alpha who is fussing about a baby that’s just woken up.

“Yeah, that’s him,” Dean nods. “Thank you.”

The assistant politely says, “If you need anything else, push the button with the bell sign and I’ll be right back.”

“Thanks,” Dean says again, and then concentrates his senses on his mate.

There’s something off balance about his scent, even more so than it’s been all through this trip, and Dean thinks it’s got nothing to do with the artificial flower smell of the room.

“I won’t bite. You can come closer,” Cas says without looking up from where he’s playing with Mary.

Okay, definitely something off then.

The two-seater is pretty much crowded with Cas and Mary, so Dean just puts the diaper bag aside and sits down on the plush carpet in front of the couch. This way, his face is at Mary’s height and she giggles excitedly and tries to grip his hair and nose. He sticks his tongue out at her, which provokes another series of giggles.

Cas watches him for all of thirty seconds before he slides off the couch and hits the floor with a thunk.

“Cas?”

“I’m not sitting on the couch while you are sitting on the floor,” Cas states defiantly.

“Umm,” Dean says, “okay?”

But Cas only grits his teeth and looks at their daughter instead of at Dean. Yeah, something is very off.

“What’s wrong, Cas?”

“Scripture also states that God says ‘I am the Alpha _and_ the Omega’ yet no one ever quotes that part.”

“You’re upset at the priest?” Dean ventures. “Yeah, he’s a piece of work. It’s okay, though. If you’re upset for my sake, that is. I’m used to it.”

That’s obviously not the right words to say because Cas growls lowly. “You shouldn’t have to be.”

“Cas.” Dean lays a hand on Cas’ arm and rubs soft circles over it. He’s never known his mate to be this up and down. Not even when they were sleep-deprived and snappy in the first months after Mary’s birth. “What’s up, little Alpha? Share with me.”

Suddenly, he has an armful of mate. Cas lunges himself at Dean, buries his nose into his neck and holds him tight enough that it seems like he never wants to let go again. “I want to be there, Dean. I want to fight for you and protect you and keep you safe and not let them walk over you and if I have to I want to keep you out of their reach so that they can’t hurt you. But I shouldn’t want that because it means taking freedom away from you and I know you can take care of yourself anyway, but the odds are stacked against you in the world, and these people treat you like you’re not even there, like you don’t have feelings and don’t matter, and I want to rip them apart!”

“Uhh, that last one is probably not a good idea,” Dean says dumbly while he’s working his way backwards through that rant and tries to figure out what exactly has prompted this.

He’s spared the effort, though, because Cas abruptly pushes out of Dean’s embrace, stares into nothing for a second and then snaps his head back to look at Dean when he states, “Michael had a mate.”

“What?”

“Michael. My brother. He had a mate.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dean answers, confused by the sudden change of topic.

“Yes, I have never mentioned him, have I? Do you want to know why? Because I know nothing about him. I lived in the same house with him, and I know nothing about him. He was invisible. In his own house! He wasn’t allowed to talk to any of us.” Cas breaks off, collects himself for a second. “I tried talking to him anyway. I trained to be a doctor, for God’s sake. I wanted it to become my profession to help. And I could smell him being unhappy from the other room. I couldn’t not try.” Cas presses his palms into the sockets of his eyes like he wants to squeeze out the images that come up with the memories.

Dean’s not sure what to do so he just keeps running his hands in circles over Cas’ sides, and tries to focus on the warmth that they’re sharing instead of the cold that wants to spread in his belly.

Cas straightens away from Dean after a moment, looking utterly dejected. “I had to ban him with my brother. By law, he’s no more than an extension of him after all. I keep thinking about that. How for him, I made everything worse. I took away everything good that he’d married into, the house, the money, the status, and left him with an asshole that he has to obey.”

“You couldn’t do anything,” Dean soothes automatically, even though the cold that grips him is getting stronger. He knows that this is how it is in some upper-class families. Where they can afford their Omegas being no more than a price to be shown off. “I’m guessing it was not a marriage of love.”

Cas snorts. “It was arranged. He had to formally consent of course. I wasn’t there for the negotiations but I doubt he had an actual choice. I _was_ there for the ceremony. Unified Alpha Church rites. I think Adam knelt at Michael’s feet for the whole goddamn two hours.”

The smell of waterlilies and pain is getting overlaid with ginger and smoke fast. Cas is angry. Dean glances over to where Mary’s face is already drawn into a frown. He needs to defuse this with a good memory before Mary starts full out crying. She’s been more sensitive to Cas’ mood lately, the mechanisms of recognizing that angry Alphas are to be avoided kicking in.

“Is that why you chose to be so informal about us?” Dean asks.

“It wasn’t informal,” Cas defends. “It was pack. I didn’t need anyone quoting marriage scripture at you,” he growls.

And okay, Dean would have taken that to heart as an indication of what Cas wanted of him. It had taken a while for them to find their balance. But a growling mate is not what Dean wanted to achieve. “Hey,” Dean nudges Cas, “I liked our ceremony. And our party. And everything in between. Mostly everything in between.”

That helps and Cas’ scent turns sweeter at the memory. He runs his hand over Dean’s mating bite on his neck. “Michael did it one-sided.”

And just like that, Dean has no idea what to say anymore. It’s a pretty clear statement of ‘you are my property’ to lay a claim on someone without giving them permission to lay the same claim on them. “Fucker. Did he collar him, too?”

“It wasn’t necessary. He wasn’t supposed to leave the house.”

Dean nods. If there’s no contact with other humans it’s hardly necessary to have an outward sign that this Omega is exclusive property and not to be talked to. “Less of a leash and more of a golden cage then.”

“Until I took the gold away,” Cas groans before abruptly looking up at Dean, grabbing his arm and saying urgently, “You can, you know? Go out on your own and do whatever you want. Not only on pack territory, here, too. I can’t help getting protective. But I’m not trying to keep you in a cage.”

“Cas,” Dean extracts himself from Cas’ hold to be able to circle his arms around him, “I wanted to go out _with_ you, not without you. I wanted us to have a date. I couldn’t know how it would develop.”

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas mumbles and lets his forehead sink against Dean’s shoulder. Suddenly he’s trembling and smelling of salt water.

“For what?” Dean asks flabbergasted and draws him closer. “Benny took you off guard and he tried to rile you and you still agreed to let me give him my number and to let him host the funeral party.”

“That’s hardly my decision, though, is it? Or it shouldn’t be at least.” There’s a hitch in Cas’ voice like he’s only a second away from crying.

“But you could make it yours,” Dean mumbles and presses a kiss into Cas’ hair, “and you didn’t. Even though we both know that I’d let you.”

There’s silence after that statement but it’s no more than Dean has expected.

“I’m better with you than without you, Cas,” Dean says softly. “Yeah, the old ladies and the priest treat me like I don’t matter. But I matter to you. I can ignore them and know that I’ll be safe. I’ve never had that, Cas. It’s better being here with you than it ever was. You’re not doing anything wrong.”

“I don’t want her to be baptized,” Cas suddenly says. “I know it was always the plan to follow tradition and have Pastor Jim come in on her first birthday for the ceremony. But I don’t want it anymore.”

“Okay?” Dean says surprised because he couldn’t care less but Cas has always been particular about this. He’s not necessarily putting any trust in the actual institution of church, but he’s got the faith that Dean is lacking. And Pastor Jim is reformed. He’s a nice enough guy. “Can I ask why?”

From the defiant set of Cas’ jaw, Dean can already see that he braces himself for the reaction to what he’s going to say. “I’m older than you. And Alphas live shorter on average. I want her to be free of – all of this.” He gestures vaguely at their surroundings.

“She’s going to be my next of kin,” Dean recognizes with a start.

“Yes. And unless your brother actually manages to change the law, we both know what that means.”

“Cas, she’s our daughter. We’re raising her. Don’t you think she’s going to adopt our values?”

“There’s a whole world outside of our bubble, Dean. A whole world! And I can’t protect you or her. I try. God knows, I try. But short of stifling the both of you, there’s no way,” Cas cries, upset with himself and the world.

“Can’t you perform it?” Dean asks. ”Call it a naming ceremony and make it pack business. You are our spiritual leader after all.” Because Cas threw out Michael’s Alpha Church crony, and has never made the effort to find a new full-time priest for their pack. Pastor Jim comes in to perform the most necessary rituals and that’s it.

“I guess I could,” Cas admits, scent calming down a bit as he thinks it over. “Mary won’t have a formal religious denomination if it’s just a naming. But it would officially take her in to the pack.”

“Which is all the pack wants. They want us to care and to be a part of their lives. They want the same for Mary. They don’t give jack about our religious affiliation.”

“You really think that?”

“Cas, your pack – our pack hasn’t been Unified Alpha in a long time. You think if that priest was on the school board, he’d ever take me seriously? Our pack does. You know why that is? Because it’s your lead that they follow.”

Even if Cas wants to argue with this, there’s nothing to argue, so after a moment he hangs his head and grumbles. “I want to be back home.”

“Yeah, you wanted that from the moment we set out. Wait. Is this why you were in such a rotten mood on the way here? Why it didn’t help that I was there?”

Cas averts his eyes. “I swore to myself that my mate would never have to go through what Adam went through. That I‘d never keep them on a leash or in a cage. But the city gives me little choice in the matter. And while I know that you know that and won’t hold it against me…“

Dean breaks off the rant by kissing the words from Cas’ lips. He gives Cas a second to adjust, but then surges forward and kisses him breathless. Only when he’s satisfied that Cas’ smell is all honey and chocolate and lovely spices does he draw back. “I don’t. Hold it against you. Ever. I love you and I trust you. Understood?”

Cas nods, slightly dazed by the look of it, and it’s adorable enough that Dean can’t resist and leans in again.

 

Unsurprisingly, the priest gives them the stink-eye when they come back. It probably doesn’t help that they both smell of the lingering scents of arousal. Or that Cas insists on holding hands, even though Dean stays the obligatory half-step behind him. They’ve missed most of the sermon as well as the Lord’s Prayer apparently, seeing that they just caught the last two lines of that when they came back in.

The priest speaks a prayer for John’s soul then, mentioning his reunion with Mary in Heaven and also that John is now watching and guarding his sons from above, expecting nothing but the best from them, an exemplary life of responsibility and morale from the Alpha, obedience and fulfillment of duty from the Omega.

The advantage of keeping his head low and his eyes firmly fixed to where his hand is still curled in Cas’ is that the priest can’t see Dean’s expression. He’s not sure that the Alphas are managing to or even making the effort to keep their faces smooth, because the priest suddenly sounds hurried. He gives the word over to Sam who as the closest Alpha relation to John has the doubtful honor of speaking at the funeral.

One quick glance upwards confirms what Dean’s already known by smell. Sam had been frazzled and nervous in the morning, but now he’s radiating anger. It smells like blood and a fist fight in an alley, and Sam’s face is stone-hard when he lets his eyes glide over the small congregation, resting shortly on Dean and then on Jess, before he looks back up and speaks to the priest.

“I’ll give it to you, Father, it is a nice thought, my Dad in Heaven, watching over his sons, ‘guarding and leading their steps in death as he did in life’.” Sam turns around to face everyone. “But I’ll be blunt. If it’s true, it involves a bottle of whiskey and whatever there is to hunt in Heaven. My father did not care for us. He was violent when drunk, and he wasn’t home when he was sober. It’s my brother Dean who raised me. He’s the one who’s been watching over me and guarding me all my life. This is my father’s funeral, and you’re not supposed to talk badly about the dead, so I had a few nice things prepared to say about him. But right now, all that I can think of is, at least he spared us the religious bullcrap. I have no more to say. Apart from you, Father, the rest of you are all invited to the ‘Shrimp and Net’ if you can manage to stand the vicinity of me and my Alpha-mate. And now let’s wrap this up before I blow a fuse.”

He growls openly at the priest before taking his place again. Jessica claps Sam on the shoulder, somewhere between amused and commiserating.

“Don’t think he needed my mental encouragement for this whole thing after all,” Dean whispers to Cas.

“But you’d have loathed to have missed that,” Cas whispers back.

“Got me there,” Dean chuckles, suddenly feeling a lot better, and holds up his phone to show Cas that he’s had the presence of mind to make a video of this. It’s missing the first few seconds but he’s got most of it and he doesn’t waste time to attach the file to an email. _Sam’s speech at the funeral. Worth watching_. He sends it to Gabe, Charlie and Kevin. The replies come in quickly, too.

_Kev: The stuff dreams are made of. Or funerals. Is that Unified Alpha? How did you get such a good camera angle? Thought for sure they’d lock you up in the back somewhere. Also, are condolences even appropriate as a reply to this?_

_Candy man: Ah, it’s the Fun Party Palace Funeral Home starring Sam Winchester and his righteous anger. Unified Alpha, I assume? Condolences on your choice of priest._

_Charlie: Can I upload this to Youtube?_

Dean only answers that last text with a resounding _NO!!! He still wants to be a lawyer and shit!_ Then he tries to fake listening while actually doing his best not to hear any of the parting words and prayers the priest chooses.

After the service, the priest disappears fast, not even taking the time to tell them his condolences again. The neighbors also make their way out, though they say goodbye at least, citing various flimsy excuses as to why they can’t come to the party. But obviously getting some good gossip is enough to reconcile them at least somewhat with the Winchesters.

Still, it’s only them, Benny and Andrea, and Rufus who find their way back to the ‘Shrimp and Net’ after the formalities are taken care of. There’s a big pot of gumbo waiting for them and they all squeeze together on the benches round the regulars’ table that’s been reserved for them. Dean makes sure to keep Mary tucked between him and Cas, though she’s been dealing well with all the stress of the past few days. But Dean’s not taking any risks on the final stretch, and Mary’s never been in a pub. She’s visibly confused and overwhelmed by the many scents and Dean keeps a hand on her, so that at least his scent will be strong in the mix.

As the Alpha closest in relation to John, Sam’s the first to rise to speak. “I thank you all for coming, and you, Benny, for hosting us. Whatever you eat or drink is on me, of course. I would apologize for my words at the funeral, but I meant them. So all I will do is apologize for my timing.”

“Hear, hear,” come a few good-natured calls from Benny and Rufus.

Dean doesn’t join them. He’s too busy watching his brother. He’s calm now, the anger from the funeral home replaced by a resolve that straightens his back. It hits Dean very suddenly, even though he should have known it all along. Sam is grown-up. Has maybe grown up the final bit in the last few days. He’s the Alpha in charge of this event and everyone accepts it, even Cas.

Sam turns to Cas then, an apologetic smile in Dean’s direction flashing over his face before he says, “Cas? Do you want to say a few words?” Because of course, Cas is the next in rank, and thus the next who’s called upon to speak.

Cas smiles at Sam, somewhat irritated and proud at the same time Dean thinks. Because Sam is handling this with proper protocol but Cas doesn’t like said protocol. “I’ll give my right to speak to Dean if no one minds.”

“Of course,” Sam says. “Dean?”

Dean nods. The school board is good practice, he’s definitely a lot more okay with being the only Omega in presence and speaking in front of a group than he would have been a year ago. They’re a good group anyway. He smiles at Sam and Jess before his gaze gets drawn to Benny. They all return his smile and Benny nods at him encouragingly. It isn’t necessary but Dean still appreciates it.

“Benny said something yesterday. He said, a funeral is for the living, not the dead. Pretty sure that’s true. So. John Winchester wasn’t a good man. Not after our Mom died anyway. But his son has grown into a good man and a good Alpha. I’m proud of my brother. He’ll be John’s legacy if he needs to have one. That’s all.”

There’s a moment of silence at the table after he sits down, disturbed only by Mary making bubbly noises.

“Thank you, Dean,” Sam says and maybe it’s just his imagination but he thinks his brother is a bit choked up.

“It’s no more than the truth, Sammy,” Dean shrugs.

“Don’t call me that.” Yeah, his voice is definitely a bit wobbly.

“Alright, Sammy,” Dean grins because that’s how they roll.

Sam smiles, too, but he doesn’t grin back. “You know that it’s not _his_ legacy, right? You’re the one who raised me. I’d be a very different person today if you had abandoned me in his ‘care’.”

And what is there even to answer to that? Dean grumbles, “Like I’d ever have done that. Also, can a guy get some food around here? Because the little sunshine is going to get fussy in no time and daddy would like to eat before all his attention has to be back on the baby.“

Benny chuckles and nods and Andrea helps him when he starts ladling gumbo into bowls for everyone.

It’s enough to get them over a few minutes, but eventually the silence gets heavy again.

This time, it’s Benny who speaks up. “Now, I know I should say something about John. But really, I didn’t know him that well. Don’t know you that well, either, Sam,” he says with a nod towards Sam, “but I know Dean. So I got to say, in my opinion, John’s got two damn fine sons.”

Cas nods in agreement. “I’m unashamedly biased and I’ve only very recently met John Winchester, but I can definitely agree that his sons are his best feature.”

“He loved Mom,” Dean chimes in quietly. “I don’t know whether they were true mates. Pretty sure that’s not how it works for a Beta and an Alpha. But he loved her. And I think if he could have died to save her, he would have.” And hey, look at that, that’s an actual positive thing about his Dad he’s said there.

“I knew Mary Winchester,” Rufus says thoughtfully. “Though it’s been a long time and I didn’t know her well. She was a beautiful young lady. Headstrong. Smart. She’d have made a damn fine hunter if you ask me. It’s a shame she couldn’t be around to see her sons grow up.”

Sam fixes Rufus with an intense stare. “You knew our mother?”

Rufus takes his time answering, watching Sam for a while, two hounds sniffing each other out. Then he nods. “Everyone around here knows the Campbell clan. We _know_ ‘em, mind you. Doesn’t mean we like ‘em or do business with ‘em.”

“Did you know her –“, Sam sends a glance to Dean but focuses back on Rufus quickly. “Did you know her while she was still in their pack?”

It isn’t hard to see where this line of investigation is going. Sam hasn’t let go of the topic ever since Dean told him about his heritage. Or lack thereof. “Sam, please don’t,” he interrupts. He tries his best to sound respectful to his brother’s authority at this table while still getting his point across. “Not today. It’s John’s funeral.”

Sam looks at Dean for a second, then he turns back to Rufus. “Can I talk to you outside for a moment?”

“Sam, please,” Castiel interrupts, tone a lot harsher than Dean’s, “Dean asked you not to.”

“And we’re going outside. Don’t worry about us. I will not mention a word. Rufus?”

Rufus looks from Cas to Sam and back, obviously torn about who’s got the higher authority. Finally, he shrugs, “Sorry to say it, son, but I’m going to decline. I want to be welcome back on Cas’ territory.”

Sam’s forehead crinkles into a deep frown but he nods curtly. “I understand.”

Dean sighs. Sam’s keeping him updated about his search even when Dean doesn’t want to hear it. After their Dad had proved to be uncooperative, he’s looked into the Campbell Pack, but they are possibly even less helpful. Mary got shunned when she left, and while their granddad tried to get him and Sam back into the pack after Mary’s death, granddad’s dead now, too, and their cousins have no intention of letting an estranged Alpha-relative with theoretical rights to their pack anywhere near their territory. So this is Sam’s first lead in a while.

“He’s looking for my sire,” Dean says into the uncomfortable silence that has settled over the table with the Alphas bickering. “He thinks you might know something. But it’s John’s funeral. He accepted me as his own when I wasn’t. Didn’t do a stellar job, I grant you, but he didn’t throw me out the minute my Mom died. That’s something. So let’s not do this today,” he repeats. "If you know anything, call the Sasquatch later.”

 _‘But aren’t you curious?’_ Charlie’s voice rings in his head. Dean knows that she’s been helping Sam in setting up searches and narrowing down parameters. For her, it’s a puzzle to be solved and she likes puzzles. She doesn’t get that it’s different for Dean. Dean’s got a family. He’s got a mate and a daughter, a nosy brother, and more extended family than he can ever remember having before. There’s Jess and Gabe and adopted siblings like Charlie. He’s got what he needs. More than, actually. Searching for another parent who didn’t want him is not going to make him any happier.

“Okay,” Sam gives in though with a deep sigh that promises he’s going to talk about this with Dean again. He’s dedicated, you got to give him that.

Surprisingly, he’s not as dedicated to finding out every detail about Benny. He seems genuinely grateful that Benny has offered to host them, but he doesn’t pry about the reasons. It might be respect but Dean is more inclined to think that Sam knew about Benny after all. Not about the details, hopefully, but Sam’s always been a smart kid, it’s possible that he followed Dean a few times and saw him meeting up with Benny.

The prickle on his skin makes him aware that it’s not only him observing Benny, Benny is observing him back. He has through most of the day. He’s more laid back about it than yesterday, but he watches every interaction Dean has, whether it’s with his mate or his brother or even his daughter, with a sharp eye.

Dean gives him a lopsided smile. Maybe part of the different approach today is the quiet Beta next to Benny. She’s got strong features and Dean thinks she can hold her own against him. Not physically maybe, but he has a feeling that her reserved demeanor is misleading.

“Dean?”

Dean blushes when Cas’ hand on his knee brings him back to the present. He’s been staring and he’s been caught. “Sorry, Cas. What is it?”

“Just asking whether you’re okay. You’ve been quiet.”

The snarky comment about that being exactly how he’s supposed to be (‘Omegas should be seen, not heard’) is on his lips, but in light of their afternoon conversation he decides against it. “I’m fine, Cas. You?”

There’s a strange look on Cas’ face and he seems to choose his words carefully. “I’ll feel better once we’re on our way home.”

“Soon,” Dean says soothingly.

But soothing isn’t what Cas is after, apparently, because he leans in so that he can talk low enough that only Dean will hear what he has to say. “I miss our privacy.”

The meaning can’t be mistaken and Dean darts a quick look around the table to see whether someone might have overheard after all, before ducking his head to hide the blush that he’s sure is creeping up his neck.

He’s not ashamed, not as such. Sam and Jess would at the most make a face and call them gross and he couldn’t care less about Rufus, but in light of Cas catching him staring at Benny, the innuendo takes on a new meaning. Cas has been staking his claim on him as visibly as possible yesterday, now it seems he’s making sure it’s rooted.

The fact that Benny is still eyeing them when Dean glances back in his direction does not help. It’s not that he wants Benny, but admitting in front of him how natural it has become for Dean to follow his mate’s lead, how willing he is to belong to Cas and accept his claim, is a whole different pair of shoes.

But still, there’s pretty much only two ways this can go. He can call Cas out on what he’s doing, or he can roll with it. Though he could of course also make a statement that goes beyond what his mate is expecting. Dean looks at Cas judgingly. The way his Alpha side is at the forefront on this trip, it’s a good opportunity to broach the topic. Well, good for what Dean wants to achieve. He’s never promised to play fair.

So he leans in another bit closer until his breath ghosts over Cas’ skin. He keeps a hand on Mary to make sure they’re not squishing her. “Got to tell you something, little Alpha. Have been meaning to for a while now.”

Cas’ breath hitches and there’s a mixture of possessiveness and anxiety there that makes Dean think he should have used words that sound less like ‘we need to talk’.

He hurries to go on. “I’m not going to take the suppressants Pam gave me for when the Little One is weened. Want siblings for Mary. Want you to breed me up again.”

This time, the hitch is more than just a simple moment of holding his breath, this time, Cas’ breathing stumbles and when it comes back it’s labored.

“Yeah, Alpha, you heard that right. Want to carry your pup again.”

It’s utterly unfair, talking to Cas like this in public, knowing full well what it does to him. Knowing full well also that his rational mind is less than enthusiastic about this idea. Not because he doesn’t want more kids, but because he’s scared Dean’s going to get hurt again. But the Alpha in him doesn’t care about statistical likelihoods, the Alpha only hears _mate_ and _pups_ and goes bonkers.

“Dean!” It’s whispered, so Dean isn’t sure whether it’s a warning or not.

He presses on anyway. “They’d smell it on me, everyone here, immediately, that you’ve claimed me. That all of me belongs to you. You wouldn’t even have to show them. Would you like that? To show me off like that?”

Cas’ hand comes up to Dean’s neck but Dean makes no move to evade it. He bows his head towards Cas when he grips him tight. They’re in public, so Dean’s got to be careful how much more he says. No matter how good Cas’ self-control, there is a snapping point.

“Love you, little Alpha. Going to give you a whole litter of pups. Well, not in one go, but you know what I mean,” he mumbles fondly and leans into Cas’ hold instead of straining against it.

“Brother?” Benny’s voice cuts through their little bubble. “You alright? He hurting you with that?”

Cas’ turns his head towards Benny and growls at him to back off.

“Shh,” Dean soothes and wraps his fingers around Cas’ free hand if for no other reason than to keep him immobilized until his neocortex has the upper hand again. “Ain’t going to happen today anyway. We can talk about it again. Just wanted to make my point clear.” And plant the idea inside Cas’ brain without his conscious mind interfering. He’s going to have to apologize for that eventually. But hopefully by then Cas will already be somewhat more open to discussing an extension of their family.

Cas looks back at him when Dean starts softly stroking the skin on Cas’ hand. They lock eyes, and yeah, they’ve been married for a while now, but the electric blue never fails to throw sparks. Dean can’t help the smile spreading over his features, though he at least fights the urge to lean in and kiss Cas senseless.

“Guys,” Sam grumbles. “Do you think it’s possible for the two of you to hold off with the eye sex and the dirty talk until you’re safely back home? I mean, I’m traumatized by living in the same house with you already, so it makes little difference for me, but you’re kind of off-putting for everyone else.”

Being ripped out of his focus on Cas, Dean notices that all conversation at the table has stopped, and everyone is looking at them. He blushes, furiously this time, he’s sure. Cas, too, suddenly colors, and his wide-blown pupils return to normal as he reins in the desire Dean has awakened. He chuckles awkwardly and lets go of Dean’s neck to rub his own.

“Yeah,” Dean mutters, “I can definitely say I miss our privacy, too, little Alpha. And our playtime.”

With a sigh, he lets go of Cas completely and instead swoops up Mary who has watched their whole exchange from her resting place between them with big round eyes. Now that Dean is paying her attention, she’s smiling and grabbing at him and making happy noises.

“You really are a little sunshine, aren’t you? Never upset with your silly inappropriate parents. Or at least not for long,” Dean smiles at her. “Want to see whether you need a diaper change? By the smell, you probably do.”

“You can change her in the backroom. I’ll show you,” Benny says and gets up.

Cas gets up, too, to let Dean out of their bench. “Need my help?”

“No,” Dean shakes his head. “You’re welcome to come, though.”

Cas takes a long look at Benny but then shakes his head and hands Dean the diaper bag. “I’m good.”

“Alright. We’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Following Benny’s broad back is different than following Cas, but it is familiar. A few of the regulars are greeting Benny, obviously somewhat nosy about their party and about the Omega trailing Benny’s steps. Benny shuts their questions down with a warm but firm voice.

The back room turns out to be almost like a miniature living room, with a table and chairs and a couch.

“That’s the best we got. At least it’s private. Also if you, uhh, want to feed her.”

“Yeah, Benny, not with you in the room. No offense to you but I doubt that Cas would appreciate it. Besides, she mostly eats baby mush at night anyway.” Dean places Mary on the couch and comforts her for a second before he opens the diaper bag. She’s not a big fan of getting changed, but every movement is well practiced by now, so she only has to get through a few minutes of discomfort. “Yeah, you like pureed bananas and apples, don’t you? It is really gross,” he coos.

She grins at him and clucks her tongue, exchanging her pacifier for her hand in the process. Dean catches the pacifier before it can fall and puts it in the bag for now.

“You’re good at this,” Benny observes from where he’s leaning against the wall a few feet away.

“What did you expect, man? She’s my daughter. I’ve got practice.”

“What about him?”

Dean looks up at Benny for a second and raises his eyebrows. “Is he good at changing diapers? Is it a contest?”

“Nah, just wondering,” Benny shrugs.

“He’s awful at feeding her. I’m not telling him but I suspect she thinks he’s the one for playtime, not for dinner. So she just starts playing with her food when it’s him. And he does look hilarious with carrots smeared all over him, doesn’t he?” Dean grins at his daughter. “Especially when he has that desperate look on his face,” he laughs. “I’ll try to make a snapshot for you sometime.”

“So you’re going to keep in touch?” Benny asks.

“Gave you my number, didn’t I?”

“Ain’t the same thing. Had your number the last time, too.”

“Benny,” Dean sighs, “this ain’t nothing like the last time. I’ve got a life now. You do, too. It’s more than we ever thought we’d have.”

Benny doesn’t deny that. “You’ve changed, brother.”

Dean snorts. “Told you so.”

“You got friends where you are now? Or is it just Cas?”

“I got friends,” Dean nods. “You don’t need to protect me, man.”

“Wanna make sure is all,” Benny grumbles.

“I’m good, Benny,” Dean answers and closes the final few buttons on Mary’s clothes before swooping her up again. “I really am.”

Benny nods. There’s something wistful in his eyes. It seems almost sad.

Dean narrows his eyes, suddenly seeing Benny in a new light. “What about you? You and your mate, you good?”

“She’s a good woman.”

“Never doubted it,” Dean nods but of course he notices the deflection. “What about friends? You got someone to talk to?”

“Everyone’s the barkeep’s friend,” Benny shrugs.

“And that’s not what I asked,” Dean insists.

Benny sighs heavily and finally lets himself sink down on the far end of the couch. “No one like you, brother. Never found that again.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean says honestly. Because he very much abandoned Benny back then.

“Not your fault. You did what you had to, leaving me behind. Funny thing is, I never realized it until you were gone. That we’d never been on the same page.”

Dean squirms uncomfortably and holds Mary a little tighter. He’s done his very best not to ever contemplate this. That what Benny felt for him might have been more than friendship. But he’s got a feeling that he’s not going to get out of this talk. It’s a loose end for Benny that he wants to tie up. Dean owes him that much. He doesn’t think he’d have made it through that final year in this city without him. So he nods at Benny to go on.

“Did you know?” Benny asks quietly. “Did you know that I meant it when I asked you to go to Louisiana with me?”

“Yeah,” Dean nods and averts his eyes. “Yeah, I knew.” He always had. He just never let his consciousness deliberate it. “I’m sorry,” he repeats helplessly.

“Nah,” Benny shakes his head, “nah, it’s fine. Can’t make yourself feel something that you don’t.”

“Why’d you never go? I thought you would. Was a good dream on bad days, thinking about you being on a boat somewhere, drenched by the spray but happy.”

Benny shrugs. “The boat was only half the dream. Didn’t hold the same appeal without the other half.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean repeats and this time he manages to look up at Benny so that he can see the truth in his eyes. He is sorry that Benny’s dreams didn’t pan out the way he wanted. Especially seeing how happy Dean is with his life these days.

“I was kidding myself, brother. All you did was setting me straight. Though I guess I couldn’t have known. All I knew was that you were different with me than with others. I never saw you – the way you are with him. I didn’t know.”

Dean huffs a tiny laugh because he hadn’t known either. “I trusted you, Benny. That was a big deal for me. Still is.”

“But it wasn’t enough.”

“No,” Dean shakes his head. There is no way of sugar coating this. “It wasn’t.”

They sit in silence for a moment. Anything else that could be said doesn’t really need to be said. Dean knows that Benny would still have taken them to Louisiana. That he would have cared for them even if Dean had never said yes to being anything other than friends. He assumes that Benny also knows why that wasn’t an option.

“So, what are we now? Are we friends still?” Dean finally asks.

“I didn’t tell her. Who you are. But she’s going to have figured it out by now.”

“Your mate.” Dean hasn’t given her much more than cursory attention, definitely not enough to figure out what she’s thinking about this whole thing. But in light of their current conversation, it can’t be pleasant for her.

“Look, brother, I got to try to do right by her.”

“And you can’t do it with me in your life,” Dean understands.

“I’ll keep your number. Maybe I’ll text you every so often. To make sure the number is still working. In case I ever – But I got the closure I needed.” He pulls himself together, an easy smile spreading across his features that is not quite a lie and not quite the truth. “Always wanted to see you happy, brother. Glad I had the chance.”

He leaves it unsaid, the other part, where they both know that he’d have wanted to be the one to make Dean happy.

 

If Cas notices the heaviness and lingering sadness that affects both Benny and Dean when they come back, he doesn’t say anything. Andrea doesn’t either, as far as Dean can tell, but her already reserved demeanor gets even more standoffish, so she definitely knows something is up. Dean bites his lip and keeps his eyes on his daughter. It’s about time they make their exit before they’re overstaying their welcome. But it’s not Dean’s choice to make and Sam is currently involved in an animated discussion with Rufus about the importance of the hunters for society.

He sighs and rocks his daughter who is firmly awake now. Fortunately, she is also easily amused, so she follows all the faces and voices and gurgles softly to herself.

“You want to be part of the grown-up talks, huh?” Dean smiles.

She grins at him and goes “baaa”.

Dean laughs. “Right. Everyone’s a sheep and goes baa.”

“Baaa!”

He kisses her on top of her head. “Right you are, Little One, right you are.” She’s probably the only one in the world who can brighten his mood faster than Cas can.

Speaking of Cas, Cas is smiling softly at them, but he seems about ready to leave this party, too. He clears his throat. “We have a long drive home,” he says to no one in particular.

“We do,” Dean confirms.

“Oh,” Sam blushes, “oh, of course, you’re driving. And we need to get packed and get to the airport, too.”

“Need a ride?” Dean asks.

Sam thinks about it for a moment but then shakes his head. “No, that’s fine, you have a long drive and we need to get the apartment sorted with the landlord still.”

“Okay,” Dean nods and the goodbyes go quick from there. Benny doesn’t try to hug Dean and Dean keeps his distance as well, though he finds a short text message on his phone a few minutes later.

_Unknown: Just so that you have my number, too. B._

The four of them plus Mary go back to John’s apartment. Packing up their stuff is quick work. Dean looks around the apartment, eyes clinging to the small box of keepsakes.

“I’ll look through it and send you some of the stuff, okay?” Sam says.

“Just bring it for Christmas,” Dean answers. “You’re still coming, right?”

“Yeah,” Sam nods. “We were planning on it.”

“Good,” Dean smiles. “Good. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Yeah, us too,” Sam smiles shyly. They’re still not all good with Jess’ parents, even though things have gotten better.

“Alright, that’s just a few months. No need to make a big scene out of the goodbyes then.”

But of course, there’s still hugs and of course Dean still whispers “I’m proud of you” into Sam’s ear and “You can do this” into Jess’. He hugs Cas, too. Not because they have goodbyes, just because he can and because it feels good to have his mate in his arms. Cas hugs him back tightly, anxiety of being in the city giving way to the excitement of going back to their territory.

They strap Mary into her baby seat, stow their luggage, and faster than it seems possible after the long days in Kansas City, they’re on their way.

Once they’re on the highway, Dean turns for a moment so that he can look at Cas. Cas is leaning back in his seat, tension drained out of him, almost melting into the Impala’s leather. The only thing that isn’t different to the way here is that his eyes are drooping, tension of the last few days taking its toll. “Want to come over here again?” Dean asks with a smile and pats his side to show what he means.

This time, Cas doesn’t hesitate. He scoots over, curls up into Dean’s side and purrs happily when Dean lays an arm around him. They have a few hundred miles of road ahead of them, but Dean thinks that’s not going to be so bad.

It’s still light out, day not yet giving way to dusk. It seems fitting to Dean, that they should be leaving during daylight this time. This is no stealth escape. Dean’s not fleeing anymore. Dean is driving home.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew, that turned out longer than planned! Let me know what you think!


End file.
